RealMama Week Day 6 RE VISIT: My Agenda from Purejoy Parenting

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you!

RealMama Week: Mothering Me RE- PUBLISH

 RealMama Week, Day 3

Enjoy this beautiful post by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting

Leslie Potter is the founder of Pure Joy Parenting, a joy based parenting model which supports parents in moving from a traditional fear-based model to a joy-based one, focusing on relationship and healthy attachment. She is a co-author of Chaos to Connection: 9 Heart Centered Essentials for Parenting your Teen. Leslie is a Parent Coach with a background as a body centered therapist. She created the Parent Coach model at Vive a national company working with at risk teens and their parents. In 2008, she founded Purejoy Parenting to educate and support new parents in understanding the importance of their attachment stories and how they affect their relationships with their children.

Mothering Me

Motherhood has stretched me beyond words.  How could I have known that one little soul could awaken such light, as well as illuminate such darkness.  When waiting for my daughter,  I imagined all the good aspects of being a mother.  I felt I was ready to surrender fully to the amazing opportunity I was being given.  Finally, after 44 years of waiting and preparing, I was going to be a mother.  It had taken me that long to embrace my childhood and feel I had done enough work that I wouldn't damage my child.

photo courtesy of Leslie Potter on Facebook

I was beyond excited for the opportunity to be the Mom I knew I had inside.  What I hadn't planned for was the depth of pain that would arise when I fell short.  Talk about humility!  This has been my path, and daily I bow down to my daughter for showing me the true path to loving myself.  When I am able to open to the depth of beauty and grace she provides, instead of needing her to behave the way I want her to so I look like a good mom, I can see clearly.

 I don't need her to validate me and have found I can relax and open to being a safe emotional container for her to learn and grow.  When I'm able to take full responsibility for my feelings and my stories, I am able to let her off the hook to be the beautiful light she embodies.

Learning to love myself starts with me and it is the greatest gift I offer my sweet girl.

Even though my love for her showed me the way, I learned that loving myself was up to me.  When I needed her to convince me that I was lovable, I felt the pain.  When I was finally able to step into the shoes of that amazing Mom I had inside...I began to mother ME as well as my daughter. 

How do you feel about the mom you ARE, versus the mom you thought you'd be?



* Find and 'like' Purejoy Parenting on Facebook 
* Check out her website & blog  for Leslie's Parenting Pearls and contact info 
* and be sure to follow her on Twitter 

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! <3

You can also check out Leslie's latest contribution to PBS here.

My Experience with Postpartum Depression, and My Plea to You

I figured since I haven't done a particularly informative post in a while, it was time to do one. I have several friends having babies and that are currently pregnant, so I thought now might be a poignant time to share about topic that has historically been swept under the rug. Postpartum depression.

from Google

Not all women who suffer from PPD are having suicidal thoughts, or feeling as though they want to hurt their babies. It is my opinion that this is how the description comes across from medical professionals and anyone with lesser symptoms can have the unfortunate result of being brushed off as merely sleep deprived, or adjusting to a newborn.

Women caring for their first born are particularly vulnerable as they have nothing to compare their feelings to. Life with a newborn IS hard. Trying to adjust to finding your own new definition and role as a mother, adjusting your relationship with your partner or spouse, and finding time for daily necessities like taking the dog out, doing groceries, or even showering all become a delicate balance.

me with baby Spiderman on his 1st day home after 7 days in the NICU

My own experience with PPD was a sneaky one. I, like many others, chalked my feelings up to sleep deprivation and a failing relationship with my then-boyfriend. Spiderman had some initial complications,
and so it was my assumption that those, in conjunction with regular adjustment, and financial struggles had led to my feelings of complete (as in true, pure) exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.

Almost a year after Spiderman's birth, I finally sought help and was officially diagnosed with PPD by a therapist. That began a probably additional six month recovery period, during which time I experienced the ultimate demise of my relationship with Spidermans' dad, and then began my journey as a single mom.

Move ahead several years to the pregnancy and birth of Baby A: Now knowing what postpartum recovery was like, I began preparations for PPD about 7 months into my pregnancy. My OB/GYN started me on some medication so that it would have time to "get into my system" by the time Baby A was born.

I also prepped by taking appropriate time off from work, which I had not done with Spiderman. I made arrangements for help at home, stocked the freezer with frozen Amy's meals and the pantry with easy to grab bottled water and Odwalla bars. This time, I also had the blessing of the all time greatest PPD preventative: a supportive husband <3

baby A's birthday!

We made a plan for care and support at home, we lined up my therapist and lactation consultant, and made additional post natal appointments with my OB/GYN and the visiting nurse.

Despite the preparation, I still suffered from PPD. The feelings of being completely (I'm talking utterly, totally, completely) overwhelmed were rampant, I felt as though I couldn't take care of myself, what little energy I had was focused at my colicky infant (so much for preparation!) and my now 3 year old!

Add to the colic and PPD recovery from a C section, an ongoing custody dispute, and a near failure to thrive diagnosis... and I was a mess! [One of these days, I'll post Baby A's full birth story] However, my preparedness did not go to waste. In fact, it was what saved me! I had the full support of my fabulous hubby, family, and friends. I did my best to remain hydrated and the frozen meals and protein bars were my savior! (along with coffee... lots and lots of coffee) :)



I did my best to NOT try and be supermom. For weeks I did nothing but stay inside and do nothing but snuggle, nurse, soothe and repeat. We spent time just myself, her and Spiderman watching movies, reading stories, and sitting on our front lawn with new library books chillin by the sandbox and the kiddie pool. I had family take Spiderman off to the park or the beach while we attended our multitude of appointments to the lactation department, pediatrician, OB/GYN, chiropractor, and local WIC office.

Baby A and Spiderman, still at the hospital 

jaundiced baby A and her auntie Amber, out with mommy on a trip to Target to get some nursing essentials ;)

baby A and tired hubby <3

One of my all time favorite posts about postpartum recovery is THIS one from The Leaky Boob.


Several months after Baby A's birth we had our miscarriage. As with any miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss; we suffered emotionally. I felt like I had done something wrong, like it was my fault. Thankfully, I was still on a low dose of anti depressants and still seeing my therapist, and I had begun attending church shortly before that, and found solace there and ironically online; particularly via Unspoken Grief.

In October of 2011, just 3 months after Baby A turned 1 year old, we found out we were pregnant with Baby B <3 She was a bit of a surprise ;) so I was still on a higher dose of medication from the miscarriage. Consulting with my OB/GYN, PCP, and therapist it was decided I should remain on the medication and just wean down to the lowest effective dose during the pregnancy.

We prepped a bit differently for the birth of Baby B, as she was to be a VBA2C, but nonetheless we prepped for her birth... and the ensuing PPD.

Baby B is now 7 months old, and I have to say this postpartum period has been my "happiest". I would venture to even say I'm not sure I even "have" PPD this time. My anxiety has been heightened for sure, now a complete SAHM of 4 kids; I now suffer from insomnia and am inevitably irritable. Besides that however, I would say I have "adjusted" far better this time around.  Despite her immune deficiency and low weight, baby B is a happy girl, which makes ME a happy mama!

Baby B

Call it experience.
Call it divine intervention.
Call it what you will, but here is my plea to you...

My plea to all "new" moms... that means YOU.. that means YOU with the brand new 1st born, that means YOU that has only angel babies, that means YOU that just gave birth to baby # 5....

* take care of yourself, you just had a baby
     this means eat food, drink water, sleep/nap, and SIT DOWN. 
* sleep in the knowledge and peace that your baby is with God, or nap when your baby naps
     laundry can wait 
     dishes can wait 
     do NOT plan to COOK meals. buy some nice, less preservative ridden frozen varieties or have friends and family bring you food ;) 
    make things easy to grab so you can eat or hydrate while you nurse or bottle nurse 
 * baby wear. NO LIE, it makes all the difference for BOTH mom and baby. You are hands free and still snuggling, and baby is SO. much. calmer. 
* shower, you will feel amazing ;) 

* FIND SUPPORT. 
     the old addage: "It takes a village to raise a child" is TRUE. If you don't have a supportive or present spouse/partner and your family is too far away and your friends are too busy... find a mom's group- every hospital has one. Find a church if you don't already have one- you'll be glad you did. Try a few if you're not sure what you're looking for. 

    many communities also offer free or drop in mommy-and-me yoga classes, which can be a great networking opportunity that will also improve your health! <3 

     you can find support online as well, and many give you links or contacts to local support groups. Some of my favorites are; 

The Leaky Boob 

Attachment Parenting International  

Purejoy Parenting 

Thriving Family  

Gentle Parenting Resources 

MOPS International  

* take as much time as you can to SIT, NURSE, ENJOY. It goes by too fast. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it does. I assure you. 

______________

What has your experience in birthing and postpartum recovery been?? What resources have you found that have helped you the most and might help other moms? 

_____________

IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM PPD, OR THINK YOU'RE SUFFERING FROM PPD, AND FEEL SUICIDAL OR FEEL AS THOUGH YOU CAN NO LONGER TAKE CARE OF, OR MIGHT HARM YOUR CHILD(REN), PLEASE 

CALL 911

or 

SEE JENNY'S LIGHT FOR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE.  

I am an Attached Parent.... Who Struggles with Positive Parenting. Am I the Only One?

Attachment parenting, in the words of Attachment Parenting International, involves forming and nurturing strong an secure bonds between parents (parental figures) and their children.  

Positive parenting involves essentially, in my own cumulative definition, attaining being an attached parent by using positive discipline and parenting tools; meaning maintaining a calm environment without yelling and frustration ; which ultimately will all lead to better behavior between both the parent and children.

Now I, like many of you, have multiple children. Currently, my two smallest are 4 and 1/2 and 1 and 1/2. I am home all day, which is new for me, and have been having some trouble to adjusting to being at home and what to do with my whole day; day after day. Here in Maine, winters make it harder to get outside so the kids can run off steam.

I'm not going to lie... I get frustrated.


Just like every parent finds; the kids both need something at the same time, they're bickering, there is a perpetual cycle of nap, snack, and meal time that seems never ending, and additionally all the routine housework that needs to be done. Daily, I find myself making a conscious effort to not make my frustrations known to my kiddos.

We do time outs in our house, which normally works well, and honestly we rarely have to use that option- I'm sure I am quite spoiled and that overall my kids are very very good! When we do need them, is when I have trouble, despite making a conscious effort to be positive- to not yell or appear frustrated. Sometimes I do ok, and remain calm and positive... other times, not so much. I find myself yelling... and then needing to apologize. While no one enjoys apologizing... apologizing to your kids is the worst. You just feel like such a dope. The expression "even mommies make mistakes and use the wrong tone of voice" only works so often before you feel like... I can't possibly be teaching him anything since this is like, the 4th apology in a month!

my little Spiderman enjoying stickers & candy sent from Grammy

Happy Kiddo #1 :)

Happy Kiddo #2 w mama! :)

photo from Purejoy Parenting <3

mama and little Spiderman :)

Happy Baby A :)

Not to be confused

Positive parenting does not mean permissive parenting. Positive Parenting Solutions offers some great explanations as to the differences. Positive Parents do discipline their children, they just find alternative methods to do so. And like other attached parents, never endorse hitting or spanking or condemning the children of any kind.

I consistently review the wonderful foundations I learned through Purejoy Parenting in hopes that as my kiddos get older, it will become less and less of a conscious effort to remain calm and positive and not reveal my inherent frustration :) In the meantime, I'm assuming my occasional huff and puff/ exclamations/ or growling is not permanently damaging my kids !

No doubt that parenting is a learning experience. There is no how-to manual (although as I've mentioned previously, the books Attached at the Heart and Happiest Baby on the Block are what I consider to be appropriate new-parent-manuals) , and everyday is a learning experience for both parent and child. Particularly, in my experience, those of us with multiple children learn that what may have "worked" with one child does not suit the other and vice versa.


It is a journey I am happy to take, and am presuming that my two happy, healthy kiddos are along for the ride with me! :)  What do YOU find helps you balance and maintain a positive environment in your home??

Sunday Surf: RealMama Week Wrap Up

RealMama Wrap Up 

We had so many great contributors this week, and a huge thank you goes out to all of them. A diverse group of topics, which I hope provided some helpful info to all of our RealMamas :) 

My inspirational 'RealMama'; Jessica, creator of The Leaky B@@b and her youngest nursling

In the Arms of Motherhood was a tear-jerking post about the authors view on being a mama. The genuine intent with which is was written just warms my heart, and of course, her personal struggles are heartbreaking! 

What I loved most about the post is the simple, seemingly common-sense approach to mothering; that we treat our children like we would teach guests. Our brains so often perpetuate stories about what one minute behavior might perpetuate for future behaviors, that we lose sight of the moment with our children. This type of parenting/behavior is also described in detail in the piece titled My Agenda  (Day 6), by Purejoy Parenting. 

 

Knosts' and Potters' descriptions of meeting our children where they are at, emotionally and intellectually, is SO important for helping to solidify the attachment between parent and child, but for greatly decreasing the anxiety that can accompany parenthood. Much of the anxiety we feel comes from worrying about our child's behavior in the moment (out in public, etc.), and/or considering what said behavior might mean in relation to future behaviors (if I let this go, he's never going to understand what it means to be responsible, etc.).  Our Day 3 post, Mothering Me, by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting reiterated these sentiments, and also describes her own personal struggle into motherhood. 

LR Knost and her son, from Little Hearts Books (Gentle Parenting Resources), contributor for Day 1 of RealMama Week

Leslie Potter, from Purejoy Parenting (contributor for Day 3 and Day 6 of RealMama week)

When I originally started this project of RealMama week, I wanted "authentic pieces describing how YOU view motherhood/parenthood/being a mama, etc". And I would say, piggybacking off Day 1 and Day 3 posts (above), our Day 4 post Living Mindfully was probably my favorite! 

Spiritual Momma, contributor for Day 4 of RealMama week

Her wisdom-list that she hopes to pass on to her children, is now smeared all over an index card in big, black Sharpie on the entryway between our room and the kids room. I love her description of not sweating the small things; clearly when you have been through traumatic/trying/difficult times in your life, the "small" things can seem really insignificant. I find myself all to often (which I try on a daily basis to correct) saying things like "don't do that because you'll get hurt", or "don't do this because x will happen"; and basing parenting 'rules' on fear is never the way to go!

As Spiritual Momma describes, skinned knees will happen, your kids will fall and get bruises, and sometimes they will "fall" with emotional pain: 

Our job is not to STOP these things from happening, but to give our child(ren) the tools to cushion their falls.  Teaching them to trust their instincts, believing in themselves, living in the moment, and dreaming BIG; are all tools for them that they can use for the rest of their lives. 

Obviously, as parents, we do need to keep our child(ren) safe from harm. But as they get older, it gets harder and harder to keep them in the loving bubble that is our arms (or our chosen babywearing device :)). In an age appropriate way, I believe it is of the utmost importance to not shelter our children, but provide them with emotional and intellectual TOOLS; so that they may one day be active, participatory, loving, and  kind members of society.

homemade black bean burgers provided by The Economical Eater, contributor for Day 2 of RealMama week

Switching gears a bit, Cheap Eats was a post by The Economical Eater sharing some fabulous, delicious, and nutritious pantry staples and accompanying weeknight (or any-night) meals for all of us RealMamas! Almost all the pantry staples, which included black beans, eggs, frozen vegetables, and chickpeas; are all items offered as part of your local WIC program. And don't be stingy- feed the SAME thing to your kiddos! Check out more info on how I view baby food You Want Me to Eat What?! (my guest post via Instinctual Mamas).

One of our NNM readers provided her incredible Birth Story as our Day 5 post for RealMama week. Amanda  describes the blur that was her unexpected C Section delivery and the following few days of visitors, adjusting the motherhood, and the transition from hospital to home. Her story has a delightful ending of a great mama & baby relationship, an EBF baby, and a happy healthy now 4 month old! <3

I love hearing birth stories, mostly because my first was so horrible, that I can live vicariously through others when I hear about their births! I really can't complain in that, in the end, I ended up with a happy, healthy, and wonderful now almost 4 year old! <3 But his start was FAR from what I expected. 

Here's my question to you, at the birth(s) of your child(ren), did you have that moment of pure, elated joy that so many women describe? How would you describe your feeling(s) during birth? 

 I hope you enjoyed RealMama week as much as I did, and look forward to another RealMama week coming SOON! 

Send entries anytime to mymackey@gmail.com and put RealMama in the subject line. Be sure to include a short bio, and attach any personal photos if you would like them included in your post.

 

RealMama Week: My Agenda

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! 

RealMama Week: Mothering Me

 RealMama Week, Day 3

Enjoy this beautiful post by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting

Leslie Potter is the founder of Pure Joy Parenting, a joy based parenting model which supports parents in moving from a traditional fear-based model to a joy-based one, focusing on relationship and healthy attachment. She is a co-author of Chaos to Connection: 9 Heart Centered Essentials for Parenting your Teen. Leslie is a Parent Coach with a background as a body centered therapist. She created the Parent Coach model at Vive a national company working with at risk teens and their parents. In 2008, she founded Purejoy Parenting to educate and support new parents in understanding the importance of their attachment stories and how they affect their relationships with their children.

Mothering Me

Motherhood has stretched me beyond words.  How could I have known that one little soul could awaken such light, as well as illuminate such darkness.  When waiting for my daughter,  I imagined all the good aspects of being a mother.  I felt I was ready to surrender fully to the amazing opportunity I was being given.  Finally, after 44 years of waiting and preparing, I was going to be a mother.  It had taken me that long to embrace my childhood and feel I had done enough work that I wouldn't damage my child.

photo courtesy of Leslie Potter on Facebook

I was beyond excited for the opportunity to be the Mom I knew I had inside.  What I hadn't planned for was the depth of pain that would arise when I fell short.  Talk about humility!  This has been my path, and daily I bow down to my daughter for showing me the true path to loving myself.  When I am able to open to the depth of beauty and grace she provides, instead of needing her to behave the way I want her to so I look like a good mom, I can see clearly.

 I don't need her to validate me and have found I can relax and open to being a safe emotional container for her to learn and grow.  When I'm able to take full responsibility for my feelings and my stories, I am able to let her off the hook to be the beautiful light she embodies.

Learning to love myself starts with me and it is the greatest gift I offer my sweet girl.

Even though my love for her showed me the way, I learned that loving myself was up to me.  When I needed her to convince me that I was lovable, I felt the pain.  When I was finally able to step into the shoes of that amazing Mom I had inside...I began to mother ME as well as my daughter. 

How do you feel about the mom you ARE, versus the mom you thought you'd be?



* Find and 'like' Purejoy Parenting on Facebook 
* Check out her website & blog  for Leslie's Parenting Pearls and contact info 
* and be sure to follow her on Twitter 

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! <3

You can also check out Leslie's latest contribution to PBS here.

NNM NEWS: Busy Busy Summer!

WOW! We are BUSY here at NNM: 

JUNE: 

* DADS ROCK Father's Day Giveaway 

        Going on NOW. Check Facebook and the blog for more details

* Rock a Bye Booty Review & GIVEAWAY 

         will be posted by Saturday at 9pm EST. Be sure to check it out and win some FLUFF :) 

* RealMama week is going on NOW

          Day 1     and Day 2  have already been posted, be sure to check out Day 3 of RealMama Week tomorrow with Spiritual Momma. 

* NEW WEBSITE is currently under construction- stay with us as we move to www.nurturingthenaturalmama.com *

* the next Foundations for BOTH our Purejoy Parenting and our Attachment Parenting Series will be up on the blog by the end of the week. I expect to have them both edited and posted by Sunday afternoon! 

JULY: 

* Mama Eve- Your Natural Parenting Resource will be guest posting for NNM early July

                details TBD, but be on the look out for that! She rocks!  

* Baby A's 1st Birthday: A Year in Pictures

                 will be posted by her birthday, July 20th, and I look forward to YOU sharing your kiddos past year in photos here on the blog and on Facebook. 

RealMama Week starts Monday June 6th

Guest posts welcome for THIS week! I want to feature RealMamas and issues that affect real mamas!

No blogging experience necessary! So far, you can expect some incredible guest posts by : 

Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting

LR Knost of Little Hearts Books (Gentle Parenting Resources) 

Michelle Collins from The Economical Eater

Sarah from  Spiritual Momma 

Feel free to send me your RealMama post via email at mymackey@gmail.com

Rules/Guidelines: 

None. I want authentic pieces from mamas about motherhood, day to day life, the good and the bad, and/or from those who have information or stories that could benefit mamas.

and have FUN! because that's the point of all of this after all :) 

THANK YOU!

Sunday Surf- Playing Catch Up

I know, it's been a while since my last Sunday Surf. But really, the weekends here in Maine have been beautiful and full of family plans the past several weeks. And really, what kind of mommy blogger would I be if I spent my weekends with my fingers glued to my laptop instead of spending some MUCH needed quality time with my kiddos and my hubby?! :)

So anyways, we have some catchin up to do!
First item is one that is a MUST check out. I first discovered this opportunity from Purejoy Parenting and immediately registered!

Be sure to check out This Emotional Life and their upcoming interactive discussion on Attachment. Registration is necessary, and the date for the online discussion is June 9th at 5pm EST. And did I mention, it's FREE!

My second FAVE item lately has been another gem from one of my all-time favorite bloggers; Alternative Mama. Her recent post on Holding Your Baby had impeccable timing, as I had JUST been chatting with a 'friend' of mine who simply does not agree with how I raise my babies. I hold them too much, I spoil them, you get the picture...

Anyways, I really try NOT to be one who is always giving advice on parenting, because I absolutely hate it when people do that to me. One kid does not make you an all-knowing parent! So I am truly cognisant of the fact that what works for me might not work for you and vice versa.

But there are three items that PUSH MY MOMMY BUTTONS! 1. breastfeeding booby traps, 2. letting your baby cry it out, and 3. those who are constantly convinced they are "spoiling" their babies by holding them too much.

As Alternative Mama describes, these are indeed precious moments you will never get back! Enjoy them, and cherish them! Hold and love your babies!


Another recent post I loved, along the same lines of unwanted parental advice, was Top 10 things BF Advocates Should STOP Saying by Just West of Crunchy

I love this post because it describes what so many of us moms, "natural" or not, go through with breastfeeding- the fact is it's not always easy.. or natural!

Neither of my kids latched right away, nor were either of them babies that you could just shove up your shirt and they would find the boob themselves (what I would describe as a far more 'natural' way of nursing). Instead, both my kids required pillows, and propping, and two/sometimes 4 hands to situate and position until conditions were JUST right for nursing. Even then, my son's gag reflex was sometimes so bad that all of our efforts were for nothing- when he would still be unable to nurse until I expressed some milk into a syringe, which I then dripped over my nipple until he was satiated.

My daughter, who also required pillows and propping, was definitely a four hander- as one person would have to hold her squiggly body in place and the other position her mouth perfectly around the breast, and then all 3 of us would have to remain perfectly still (usually ridiculously uncomfortable) while she nursed, lest she break her shallow latch and we start the whole ridiculous circus all over again.

I would not trade nursing my babies for the world, and I can look back knowing I did my best. But when other "natural mamas", can't believe I stopped nursing my babies at 6 months (when they self weaned),  and are aghast that both my babies have had formula.... I say.... suck it.

My babies got all my effort, and six months of my milk. I then bottle nurse(d) both my babies until they were/are a year. My attached babies are loved, and held... a lot :)


What were your favorite posts this week?

Purejoy Parenting

As an avid surfer of the Facebook News Feed, it did not take long for me to absolutely fall in love with Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting. Her constant positive, uplifting, and informative posts make her a page I check daily (if not hourly) for new information!

When I recently saw the opportunity to take one of her parenting courses for FREE, I immediately jumped at the chance! The opportunity also could not have presented itself to me at a better time; I had just been asked the night before (no lie) by my therapist, "do you find joy, like true joy, in parenting?" and at the time, I didn't have a good answer...

I love my kids, don't get me wrong, I would do anything for them. But do I find JOY in parenting? Hmmmm, that's a difficult question for me. I find moments of joy. But my moments of joy are often overrun by chaos, stress, anxiety, and the day to day humdrum of mommyhood.

So who better than to teach me how to find joy in parenting, than PUREJOY parenting?! :)

baby A, me, and my little Spiderman

me and my itty-bitty Spiderman :)

my little Spiderman last year indulging in FunDip

baby A and mommy at the park

my beautiful stepdaughter, baby A, mommy, and Spiderman on a walk w daddy

my incredible kiddos <3

baby A, mommy, and daddy hiking last month

So over the next few weeks, I will update you on some of the applications we discuss over the call. I cannot reiterate enough how strongly I would recommend you take one of her courses! Be sure to find her and 'like' her on Facebook, and check out her website for upcoming course info!

Foundation #1 : Separation from a loving connection causes contrast and expansion in our relationships. 

 Who am I as a parent? 

How do you differ from the parent you thought you'd be? What behaviors/attitudes/reactions do you think you could change, so that you might be MORE like the parent you thought you'd be? 

Questions like these force you to look inside yourself at what behaviors and reactions are caused by the "stories" we create in our minds.  Many times, we place far too much emphasis on what we think a specific behavior might perpetuate, versus living in the present to deal with the issue (often times far more miniscule than we may inititally believe) at hand. 

For example; 

* my child makes me late in the morning, especially on those days when I have an early appointment/meeting and am in a rush. S/he dilly-dally's and makes me late on purpose!

* "story" that your mind likely creates: your child is doing this behavior to annoy you because they do not want you to be on time. If you do not force them to hurry along, then they will not only make you late today, but will never learn to get themselves ready in the morning in a reasonable amount of time. (etc, etc...)

* reality: your stress about getting out the door on time is creating anxiety for the child. You could use this opportunity to slow down and connect with your child. Being mindful of the present is very important- mention what you LOVE about that particular moment (in this example it might be something like, " I love that you are able to get ready for the day in the morning while remaining calm and relaxed, I wish I could do that!") 

But be sure also to use the opportunity to connect with them and teach them about how you are also feeling, (ex/ "This morning, mommy is feeling a bit rushed because I have to be at a meeting at 8am, and it is important to be on time when you have committed to something"). 

Looking at examples like this one, and working through various other scenarios, really forces you to look at your own reactions to different everyday behaviors, and how by changing the "story" in your mind to what is truly going on in THAT moment, you can use those moments to connect with your child(ren). 

* Morning Mantra * 

As I awaken, I love myself as a mama. This is a new day and I smile knowing each day is a new beginning. I embrace each of my children for who they are and all they will bring me this day, both challenges and joys. 

...stay tuned for week #2.... 

 Do you have a morning mantra? If not, how do you think your outlook might change if you added one to your morning routine?

DADS ROCK: Father's Day Giveaway Update

Contest benefiting One Simple Wish

Donations still being accepted until Monday June 6th 

at 5pm EST 

Our list of AMAZING sponsors so far includes: 

* Moby Wrap

* Purejoy Parenting

* Rock a Bye Booty

* Rockin Green Cloth Diaper Detergent

* Educated Mama Decals

* The Dark Orchid

* Mixbook.com

We could use MORE items or service donations to make this a successful 

benefit for One Simple Wish 

Please contact me via email at mymackey@gmail.com if you have an item or service you would like to donate. Thank you to all who have already donated! 

Let's Get Ready to Grant some Wishes! <3

NNM NEWS: Upcoming GIVEAWAY & Contest

* Watch tomorrow for the Blissful Booty Cloth Diaper review & GIVEAWAY * 

photo from BBCD website

* DADS ROCK Father's Day Giveaway * 

DEADLINE FOR DONATIONS is Friday June 3rd, 2011

Contest will benefit One Simple Wish and drawing will be on Father's Day Sunday June 19th at 5pm EST

Please contact me via email at mymackey@gmail.com if you have an item or service you would like to donate. 

* A HUGE Thank you to those who have sponsored gifts already *

Purejoy Parenting

The Dark Orchid
Educated Mama Decals

Rock a Bye Booty

Mixbook

Last NEWS item: I'm also compiling some guest posts for an upcoming RealMamas Segment, and would love to hear from YOU. An existing blog is totally ok, but not necessary. If interested, please email me and feel free to write anything about how YOU feel about motherhood. Thanks in advance for your contributions!