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Showing posts with label mindful parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mindful parenting. Show all posts

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Sunday Surf: RealMama Week Wrap Up

RealMama Wrap Up 
We had so many great contributors this week, and a huge thank you goes out to all of them. A diverse group of topics, which I hope provided some helpful info to all of our RealMamas :) 


My inspirational 'RealMama'; Jessica, creator of The Leaky B@@b and her youngest nursling
In the Arms of Motherhood was a tear-jerking post about the authors view on being a mama. The genuine intent with which is was written just warms my heart, and of course, her personal struggles are heartbreaking! 

What I loved most about the post is the simple, seemingly common-sense approach to mothering; that we treat our children like we would teach guests. Our brains so often perpetuate stories about what one minute behavior might perpetuate for future behaviors, that we lose sight of the moment with our children. This type of parenting/behavior is also described in detail in the piece titled My Agenda  (Day 6), by Purejoy Parenting
 
Knosts' and Potters' descriptions of meeting our children where they are at, emotionally and intellectually, is SO important for helping to solidify the attachment between parent and child, but for greatly decreasing the anxiety that can accompany parenthood. Much of the anxiety we feel comes from worrying about our child's behavior in the moment (out in public, etc.), and/or considering what said behavior might mean in relation to future behaviors (if I let this go, he's never going to understand what it means to be responsible, etc.).  Our Day 3 post, Mothering Me, by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting reiterated these sentiments, and also describes her own personal struggle into motherhood. 

LR Knost and her son, from Little Hearts Books (Gentle Parenting Resources), contributor for Day 1 of RealMama Week

Leslie Potter, from Purejoy Parenting (contributor for Day 3 and Day 6 of RealMama week)

When I originally started this project of RealMama week, I wanted "authentic pieces describing how YOU view motherhood/parenthood/being a mama, etc". And I would say, piggybacking off Day 1 and Day 3 posts (above), our Day 4 post Living Mindfully was probably my favorite! 

Spiritual Momma, contributor for Day 4 of RealMama week
Her wisdom-list that she hopes to pass on to her children, is now smeared all over an index card in big, black Sharpie on the entryway between our room and the kids room. I love her description of not sweating the small things; clearly when you have been through traumatic/trying/difficult times in your life, the "small" things can seem really insignificant. I find myself all to often (which I try on a daily basis to correct) saying things like "don't do that because you'll get hurt", or "don't do this because x will happen"; and basing parenting 'rules' on fear is never the way to go!

As Spiritual Momma describes, skinned knees will happen, your kids will fall and get bruises, and sometimes they will "fall" with emotional pain: 

Our job is not to STOP these things from happening, but to give our child(ren) the tools to cushion their falls.  Teaching them to trust their instincts, believing in themselves, living in the moment, and dreaming BIG; are all tools for them that they can use for the rest of their lives. 

Obviously, as parents, we do need to keep our child(ren) safe from harm. But as they get older, it gets harder and harder to keep them in the loving bubble that is our arms (or our chosen babywearing device :)). In an age appropriate way, I believe it is of the utmost importance to not shelter our children, but provide them with emotional and intellectual TOOLS; so that they may one day be active, participatory, loving, and  kind members of society.


homemade black bean burgers provided by The Economical Eater, contributor for Day 2 of RealMama week

Switching gears a bit, Cheap Eats was a post by The Economical Eater sharing some fabulous, delicious, and nutritious pantry staples and accompanying weeknight (or any-night) meals for all of us RealMamas! Almost all the pantry staples, which included black beans, eggs, frozen vegetables, and chickpeas; are all items offered as part of your local WIC program. And don't be stingy- feed the SAME thing to your kiddos! Check out more info on how I view baby food You Want Me to Eat What?! (my guest post via Instinctual Mamas).

One of our NNM readers provided her incredible Birth Story as our Day 5 post for RealMama week. Amanda  describes the blur that was her unexpected C Section delivery and the following few days of visitors, adjusting the motherhood, and the transition from hospital to home. Her story has a delightful ending of a great mama & baby relationship, an EBF baby, and a happy healthy now 4 month old! <3

I love hearing birth stories, mostly because my first was so horrible, that I can live vicariously through others when I hear about their births! I really can't complain in that, in the end, I ended up with a happy, healthy, and wonderful now almost 4 year old! <3 But his start was FAR from what I expected. 

Here's my question to you, at the birth(s) of your child(ren), did you have that moment of pure, elated joy that so many women describe? How would you describe your feeling(s) during birth? 

 I hope you enjoyed RealMama week as much as I did, and look forward to another RealMama week coming SOON! 
Send entries anytime to mymackey@gmail.com and put RealMama in the subject line. Be sure to include a short bio, and attach any personal photos if you would like them included in your post.
 






RealMama Week: My Agenda

RealMama Week, Day 6
I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda


 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!


Leslie Potter
Purejoy Parenting
* also find her on Facebook
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Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

RealMama Week: Living Mindfully, RealMama Style

RealMama Week, Day 4
Todays post comes to us from Sarah, "mother" of Spiritual Momma :) 
I am not just a mother. Imagine that! I am a woman, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a friend, a tree hugger, an asshole and a junkie for anything that makes me feel good. I have almost gone off the deep end, several times. Somehow, someway I found myself in the madness and now I want to share that with you.

Living Mindfully, RealMama Style.

photo courtesy of Spiritual Momma on Facebook

I like to get right to the heart of the matter; It has become really clear that my role as a mother is to guide my children on the journey of their spirit. This journey of course, starts with me and the journey of my own spirit. 
My journey has not been graceful; in fact I would venture to say my ride has been messy, traumatic and glorious. Unfortunately I learn the hard way (and so do my children). If I could pass a few ounces of wisdom onto my children.. just a few… they would be:
          *Listen & trust your intuition little noodle, always follow your heart
          *Believe in yourself and that all things are possible
          *Celebrate your BE-ingness (you are special and so very loved)
          *Live in this moment, right now- it’s all you have
          *Life is on your side, so DREAM BIG! and then some
I believe that as a mother, I am to love and support my kiddos no matter what. Even through times of disappointment, fear and uncertainty. Furthermore, I want to live mindfully; at peace with what is, and in touch with myself and the flow of life. 
What I have found is that in order to do so; I must heal my own wounds, seek awareness and acceptance for what is, relinquish my incessant need to control the uncontrollable and allow myself to love and experience joy. 
This means I just refuse to save my kids from scraping their knees on the sidewalk, or harping on them to follow every stupid rule. Life will teach them that, I am certain. I want to show them how to live mindfully, and hopefully make a difference one day. 
Perfection is not an option. This means some moments are difficult, messy, and painful. This is my cue to go within and mother myself. My children are not the problem, and certainly not the source of my discomfort. My children have been my greatest gift,  and have revealed to me time and time again,  that which had not been healed within me. 
just one of the many cool items available at Spiritual Momma's Etsy boutique
So perhaps right now is an excellent time to ask yourself what motherhood means to you...
In closing, I will share one of my greatest comforts: I am free to change my mind or revise anything at any time. 
-Spiritual Momma
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