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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I am an Attached Parent.... Who Struggles with Positive Parenting. Am I the Only One?

Attachment parenting, in the words of Attachment Parenting International, involves forming and nurturing strong an secure bonds between parents (parental figures) and their children.  

Positive parenting involves essentially, in my own cumulative definition, attaining being an attached parent by using positive discipline and parenting tools; meaning maintaining a calm environment without yelling and frustration ; which ultimately will all lead to better behavior between both the parent and children.

Now I, like many of you, have multiple children. Currently, my two smallest are 4 and 1/2 and 1 and 1/2. I am home all day, which is new for me, and have been having some trouble to adjusting to being at home and what to do with my whole day; day after day. Here in Maine, winters make it harder to get outside so the kids can run off steam.

I'm not going to lie... I get frustrated.

Just like every parent finds; the kids both need something at the same time, they're bickering, there is a perpetual cycle of nap, snack, and meal time that seems never ending, and additionally all the routine housework that needs to be done. Daily, I find myself making a conscious effort to not make my frustrations known to my kiddos.

We do time outs in our house, which normally works well, and honestly we rarely have to use that option- I'm sure I am quite spoiled and that overall my kids are very very good! When we do need them, is when I have trouble, despite making a conscious effort to be positive- to not yell or appear frustrated. Sometimes I do ok, and remain calm and positive... other times, not so much. I find myself yelling... and then needing to apologize. While no one enjoys apologizing... apologizing to your kids is the worst. You just feel like such a dope. The expression "even mommies make mistakes and use the wrong tone of voice" only works so often before you feel like... I can't possibly be teaching him anything since this is like, the 4th apology in a month!

my little Spiderman enjoying stickers & candy sent from Grammy

Happy Kiddo #1 :)

Happy Kiddo #2 w mama! :)

photo from Purejoy Parenting <3

mama and little Spiderman :)

Happy Baby A :)

Not to be confused

Positive parenting does not mean permissive parenting. Positive Parenting Solutions offers some great explanations as to the differences. Positive Parents do discipline their children, they just find alternative methods to do so. And like other attached parents, never endorse hitting or spanking or condemning the children of any kind.

I consistently review the wonderful foundations I learned through Purejoy Parenting in hopes that as my kiddos get older, it will become less and less of a conscious effort to remain calm and positive and not reveal my inherent frustration :) In the meantime, I'm assuming my occasional huff and puff/ exclamations/ or growling is not permanently damaging my kids !

No doubt that parenting is a learning experience. There is no how-to manual (although as I've mentioned previously, the books Attached at the Heart and Happiest Baby on the Block are what I consider to be appropriate new-parent-manuals) , and everyday is a learning experience for both parent and child. Particularly, in my experience, those of us with multiple children learn that what may have "worked" with one child does not suit the other and vice versa.

It is a journey I am happy to take, and am presuming that my two happy, healthy kiddos are along for the ride with me! :)  What do YOU find helps you balance and maintain a positive environment in your home??


  1. I just watched a webinar and I'm doing some "research" to determine if the $224 price tag is worth it. Any chance you can talk them into letting you give away I membership? No, seriously.

    1. LOL from Positive Parenting Solutions or Purejoy Parenting?? :)

  2. I love this and can totally relate!! I have 3 kids 6, 3, and 1. I homeschool & my hubby travels for 4-6 weeks at a time. I feel we practice attachment parenting and I do apologize alot.
    When tensions are running high I tune in to Pandora radio and light an incense. It really helps me and the kids.
    It is so nice to read such a 'real' post that I can relate to, thank you!