RealMama Week Day 6 RE VISIT: My Agenda from Purejoy Parenting

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you!

What I'm Reading NOW

Ok, so I have had a MAJOR book-hangover since reading Heaven is for Real .  I've only been able to get into two books since then, and I 've still been feeling rather apathetic about them.

Hopefully, my next read changes that. So now you can join me in reading:

In Pursuit of Peace by Joyce Meyer

from www.amazon.com

What are YOU reading right now??

RealMama RE VISIT: Birth Plan Kinks

 RealMama week, day 5

Enjoy this reader's story about her journey to motherhood. Thank you to Amanda, for your genuine portrait of your birth story is a perfect piece for RealMama week. 

The Perpetual Birth Plan Kink: 

"You're going to need a C section"

It was February 8th, 2011 and I had a routine doctor's appointment.  I was 39 weeks pregnant and just waiting for labor to kick in.  The doctor had been telling me my entire pregnancy that I was measuring big for my gestational age, but showed no concern for my size.  I am only 5'3", I had a belly that was really out there!  The doctor told me at 38 weeks that if the baby was measuring over 9lbs that a c-section would be my best option for mine and the baby's safety.  39 weeks came, we went to get the ultrasound and he was measuring in the 90th percentile for length and weight...at 9lbs, 14oz!  The c-section was scheduled for that night and the next few days are a blurry haze of phone calls, delivery, recovery...and life begins with my new son!

photo from Google Images

 He was born a week early to the day of his due date, a beautiful healthy boy weighing 8lbs 13oz and 20.5" long.  The c-section was scheduled for 7pm on February 8th, it was 2pm when I left the doctors office and
I had to be at the hospital at 4!

The first person I called was my mom, who lives 4 hours away, to tell her today was the day and she had to hurry and get down here.  Many calls later, my husband and I were sure we had notified everyone.  We left the doctors office and ran a few errands and went home to get our stuff.  It all seemed so surreal at that point, we were about to be parents and our lives were going to change forever...

I had already had my bags packed quite a few weeks ago, so we just relaxed (to the best of our ability at that point) and waited to go to the hospital, savoring our last few moments of life with just the two of us.  Arriving at the hospital, things started immediately; my prep for my c-section pretty much started from the minute I got there.  I actually got into the operating room to have him earlier than scheduled, I was scheduled for a 7pm delivery and ended up having him at 6:44pm.  I think we were actually in the operating room an hour ahead of schedule.

My husband was setting up our room with all of our stuff and we were just getting settled in and the nurses came in and said they had the operating room ready and were going to take me early...see why this day was such a blur?  I didn't even get to really see or hold my son for hours after he was born.  I held him for a few minutes while they wheeled me back to my room, but after that he was placed on a warmer on the other side of the room while my family all came in and "oohed" and "aah-ed" over him for an hour or so.  We ended up leaving the hospital 2 days early because we were both doing so well. I had been up walking and showering the next day without pain meds, and my son wasn't jaundiced, and he was breastfeeding like a champ, so the hospital didn't feel it necessary to keep us there the full stay.

I now have a big, beautiful, exclusively breastfed, healthy, strong, smart baby boy who is (unbelievably) 4 months old now.  I find it hard to believe it's been 4 months already, but I love watching him grow and change everyday.  I am looking forward to seeing what new developments come in this next month and all the months to come in his life.



What was your birth story like? Planned, emergency, did it go as it thought you would- why/why not? 

RealMama Week 2013: Are YOU Ready? This is about YOU!

Attention Mamas and Papas: 

We had such an amazing response to RealMama week 2011, that we are doing it again this year! 

Coming in May, daily published posts will be 

FOR YOU 

FROM YOU 

& 

ABOUT YOU!

 

Not a blogger?? That's ok!

We want submissions from everyone! Long stories, short articles, poems, pictorial of your life,

it doesn't matter! We just want to hear what's important to 

 YOU!

image from www.bayareaenterprises.org

 

  Post a comment below, or email me at

siroismama@gmail.com

if you have questions, or want to let me know YOU want to be published in RealMama Week 2013!

    

 

RealMama RE PUBLISH: Spiritual Momma & Living Mindfully

RealMama Week, Day 4

Todays post comes to us from Sarah, "mother" of Spiritual Momma :)

I am not just a mother. Imagine that! I am a woman, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a friend, a tree hugger, an asshole and a junkie for anything that makes me feel good. I have almost gone off the deep end, several times. Somehow, someway I found myself in the madness and now I want to share that with you.

Living Mindfully, RealMama Style.

photo courtesy of Spiritual Momma on Facebook

I like to get right to the heart of the matter; It has become really clear that my role as a mother is to guide my children on the journey of their spirit. This journey of course, starts with me and the journey of my own spirit. 

My journey has not been graceful; in fact I would venture to say my ride has been messy, traumatic and glorious. Unfortunately I learn the hard way (and so do my children). If I could pass a few ounces of wisdom onto my children.. just a few… they would be:

          *Listen & trust your intuition little noodle, always follow your heart

          *Believe in yourself and that all things are possible

          *Celebrate your BE-ingness (you are special and so very loved)

          *Live in this moment, right now- it’s all you have

          *Life is on your side, so DREAM BIG! and then some

I believe that as a mother, I am to love and support my kiddos no matter what. Even through times of disappointment, fear and uncertainty. Furthermore, I want to live mindfully; at peace with what is, and in touch with myself and the flow of life. 

What I have found is that in order to do so; I must heal my own wounds, seek awareness and acceptance for what is, relinquish my incessant need to control the uncontrollable and allow myself to love and experience joy. 

This means I just refuse to save my kids from scraping their knees on the sidewalk, or harping on them to follow every stupid rule. Life will teach them that, I am certain. I want to show them how to live mindfully, and hopefully make a difference one day. 

Perfection is not an option. This means some moments are difficult, messy, and painful. This is my cue to go within and mother myself. My children are not the problem, and certainly not the source of my discomfort. My children have been my greatest gift,  and have revealed to me time and time again,  that which had not been healed within me. 

just one of the many cool items available at Spiritual Momma's Etsy boutique

So perhaps right now is an excellent time to ask yourself what motherhood means to you...

In closing, I will share one of my greatest comforts: I am free to change my mind or revise anything at any time. 

-Spiritual Momma

* Find and 'like' Spiritual Momma on Facebook 

* Follow her on Twitter

Updates to the NurtureMe store!

We'll also be adding more Gluten Free options as we find our favorites so you can have TRUE one stop shopping for all your baby/kid/mom and family needs! <3 

You can CHECK OUT our new FEATURED in the blog section HERE

This NEW section includes items for; 

* celiac disease

* gluten free

* Orange Rhino Challenge 

(dress all your kids in ORANGE as a reminder, and have everyone carry around little rhinos ;))

Enjoy! 

 

Failure to Thrive does not mean YOU are a Failure.

 Failure to Thrive does not mean YOU are a Failure: 

And no, I am not just saying that to make myself feel better. Here's WHY:

Failure to thrive. 

To many, one of the worst "diagnoses" a mother can hear. To a mother, that immediately translates into "you are doing something wrong", or "you're not doing enough", or "there is something wrong with your baby"... 

Regardless, it's hard to swallow. As with anything, there are varying degrees. Some Failure to Thrive (FTT) babies are easy to spot; pale, lethargic, dry skin, sunken features. Others, look like my girls. 

Baby B

Baby A

 For those of you that don't regularly follow the blog, I do not have twins. Baby A and Baby B are 2 years apart- their nicknames for purposes of the blog merely coinside with their first initial. Baby A was born in 2010 and Baby B in 2012. Both weighed approximately 7 lbs at birth, and were full term babies. Baby A was delivered by scheduled C section and Baby B was a VBA2C.

Both healthy babies, and have had (knock on wood) no major illnesses to report. But both are small. Baby A, now almost 3 years old, has remained in the 2nd percentile. I many times, have found their obsession with her weight annoying, to say the least. After all, I figured, these "percentiles" are based on fat, formula- fed babies anyways! EBF babies are supposed to be smaller. AND add to that, that Sissy (my 16 year old stepdaughter and their half-sister) is a size 00. I mean, a TRUE 00! And this is a girl who eats well, regularly, and is an avid athlete. So I figure, my husband just makes small babies! 

SO I shrug them off until Baby B comes along. They gave me until she was about 4 months, when they referred me to another Doctor in the office. 

"But she's exclusively breastfed" I told them. "Her sister has always been small and she is FINE"...

Baby A at about 4 months- the original face of NurturingtheNaturalMama

Baby A 2011

Baby A 2012

 She's a happy, healthy girl after all! (And beautiful, I might add! ;)) But Baby B had alternating visits of gaining weight, staying the same, and then losing weight. That is where the weight obsession came in. 

Adding formula, adding cereal (bleh!), and tracking everything! All my kids have been tandem nursers and formula drinkers, but I was really hoping that Baby B, baby #3, would be EBF for as long as possible- so this was a bit of an ego blow... 

But, of course, the baby's health was first. They ran a battery of tests at about 6 months of age, when she continued to lose weight, despite her being my best nurser and regular bottle feedings.

She looks like a "normal" baby, right? No sunken features, you can't distinguish her ribs, she has met all of her motor skill and cognitive milestones, her skin isn't peeling, and she is not anemic or excessively pale- so how is she not gaining weight? In fact, how is she LOSING weight? 

Baby B January 2013 

 At almost 9 months old, Baby B weighed just 10 and 1/2 pounds. 

She has seen an immunologist, and a gastroenterologist. After our recent appointment with her pediatrician, they are contemplating placing a nasogastric feeding tube this week. She still "looks" wonderful, but has lost more weight despite adding even MORE calories! 

Having been in the field of veterinary medicine for almost 12 years, I have seen many an NG tube placed in cats. The thought that I would ever need one for one of my children never crossed my mind. NG tubes involve using a syringe or pump to "pump" food or formula directly into the stomach. They do not "hurt" (although I am sure they're not comfortable either), and this allows caloric intake for those who will not or cannot eat, or aren't eating enough. 

In felines, a slurry of wet cat food, usually Rx diet a/d is used. For baby B, it will likely be formula or breastmilk. She self weaned several weeks ago, but if the tube is placed, I will opt to pump again to build my supply and start using breastmilk as soon as possible. Breastmilk has some critical healing properties, so that would be my optimum choice. 

In the meantime, we have been asked to take precautions because of her immune disorder, so we are to wear masks or gloves if we are sick; we have to start using hand sanitizer before handling her, and she is not to have any contact with any other kids until she sees the gastroenterologist again in an attempt to spare her a chest infection. Any company to our house will be asked to dawn the mask and gloves as well. 

We are going to be one fashionable family!! ;)  

So WHY am I telling you all this?? Part of it is because it is easier for me to process things when I write them out. I figure this blog will be, in some way, a documentation of my kids' childhood and show them what was important to us at the time. Additionally, I figure if I am going through this, there must be SOMEONE else going through the same thing. I hope that they will read this and at the very least think; "WOW, I am NOT alone!"

I obviously don't have any answers for you, or any nuggets of wisdom since I am in the midst of this myself... but I will keep blogging as we get more answers (assuming we get some). And in the interim, we will continue to enjoy every moment with Baby B, as we do with all of our kids. Her condition is certainly not life threatening, at least at this point, so we are so very thankful for that. We look to each other and to God for strength and faith during these trying times; as some days seem so emotionally and physically exhausting.

We have an appointment with a naturopath this week as well, so we will see if that brings any new information for us and Baby B. Thankfully, we love and trust our pediatrician (it took us 5 peds to find them back when Spiderman was born;)) so we know we are in good hands.

If you have a Failure to Thrive baby, you can find more information HERE

*You can find more information on Selective IGA Deficiency HERE 

* and more information on Celiac Disease in Infants and Children HERE