Trick or Treat! Glam BLACK is BACK!

As you all know I have a strong affinity for gdiapers. I have written about them many times before and am in love with the ease & flexibility of the hybrids! And I just LOVE the style & fit of the gdiapers! 

As many of you prep for the holiday season, first up is a night of pumpkins, candied apples and of course, costumes! So why not make it easy on yourself? This sleek black number can be worn with a festive top for any of the upcoming holidays- or even for a formal evening at playgroup ;) 

Whatever the event, GLAM BLACK is BACK!     

www.gdiapers.com

And I should add, so are some of my other favorite gdiaper accessories: 

from www.gdiapers.com

Oh my gosh! And I would be amiss without adding that there is now another extremely adorable addition to the gdiaper accessory family: the gbeanie!!! Really? Could it BE any cuter?! 

from www.gdiapers.com the gbeanie 

And for a limited time, recieve $20 OFF the newborn bundle. You can order by clicking HERE 

So be sure to follow NNM via the blog, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest for the most up to date info on all things natural mommy AND, of course, gdiapers on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest for all things gdiaper.

Show of hands for how many gmums we have in the group? Post here, FB or Twitter #gmum.  

RE PUBLISH: Too Beautiful for Earth, Heaven's Newest Angel Baby is Mine ...

This article has been re published in honor of 
October, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month 


Some say they are too beautiful for this Earth, others say they are so special God hand picks them as his Angels... however you phrase it, Heaven has it's newest Angel Baby... mine. 

The Doctor said I had been "struck by lightening twice"- I have now conceived twice while on the pill. And I get it, with so many women who struggle with infertility out there, how is it that someone like me conceives TWICE on the pill? I have no idea. First time I can chalk it up to perhaps imperfect compliance, this time-  I have no explanation. Nonetheless, it happened.

So just as anyone who thought they were being "safe" that finds out they're pregnant would do, I freaked. I had a complete and utter panic attack. I have a nine month old, I'm still on medication for PPD (the label for which says it can cause birth defects), I've been taking the pill, and drinking alcohol! EEK! So I go to the Doctor, who draws some blood... assures me I'm probably early enough where it won't matter... and talks me down of my stress-cliff. I go home more self assured and semi- ready to try and explain this to my husband.

Needless to say, by the next day the thoughts have sunk in and we're ready to dig in our heels and make our growing family fit into our tiny apartment, and even spent well into the night before chatting about names and the other idle chit chat that goes along with the beginning stages of pregnancy.

That's when we got the call.

I would need my bloodwork rechecked the following day at my OBGYN's office. When my OB called, the conversation started with "I am so sorry..."

What?! You're sorry about what???....

My HCG levels had dropped, and I was told if I hadn't already, I was having a miscarriage.

"This is not a viable pregnancy."  What does that even mean? Simple translation: Your baby is dead. Now I get it, to some this seems dramatic- especially for someone who was probably only 6- 8 weeks pregnant. But my baby's heart was beating. My baby was alive, and is now dead.

The few family members we had told have attempted to console us with the ever popular "something just wasn't right", or "your body just wasn't ready", or "everything happens for a reason"- and while I can appreciate all of that, it still means my baby is gone.  And what makes me feel the worst, is that s/he was so tiny at such an early gestation.... I get a lump in my throat even just THINKING about typing this... that s/he probably got.... gulp..... flushed down the toilet.

I, for all intents and purposes, could have flushed my baby down the toilet.

This devastates me most of all.

But the biggest lesson I have learned from all of this, is that miscarriage is such a silent and lonely struggle. You don't tell anyone because you don't want people to think you're just seeking pity, but then everyone around you is going on with their daily lives, talking about the night out with friend A, or their trip to the bar with friend B, and you were just told your baby is dead. And no one ever knew your baby even existed.

How do you get support? Who do you talk to? You're certainly not going to go around asking 'hey, have you had a miscarriage? I just did and I'm not sure what to do next'.

I have at least found the following links which have either brought some peace/support to me, or I feel could help others:

My Forever Child: Memorial Jewelry

We Were Gonna Have a Baby, but we Had an Angel Instead

Bethany's Baby from Bethany's blog

And I have found much needed solace in my husband, and in our Church. And tonight, as I rocked my baby A to sleep, I held her a little tighter, kissed her forehead a bit longer, drew in a deeper breath of her warm baby smell, waited for her own breathing to even, and then laid her down and watched.... and then did what I haven't done in ... well, I think my whole life... I prayed. I prayed to whoever this God is, that my other babies stay safe. And that I wanted to thank Him SO much for the blessings I DO have in my life. My two existing, healthy, happy babies... my wonderful husband.. my beautiful step daughter... my family.... my friends...

and then I asked Him, pretty please, if He could just take tonight, to rock my baby to sleep...

mymackey : Saying Goodbye

So, yet again, it has been a while since I blogged last. Which, I know, in the blogging-world, is a huge no-no if you want to maintain your subscriber base and social media following. 

But, truth be told, I've been in a bit of a funk- I'll save that story for another day. 

But I felt the need to write today because Thursday, I euthanized my faithful companion of almost nine years. My dog Mackey, named after Vic Mackey from the FX show The Shield, had been my steadfast, loyal friend through the most challenging and simultaneously delightful years of my life. 

They say God places Angels among us. 

Call me nostalgic just because of the timing, but I have no doubt Mackey was that angel for me. Through a divorce, a separation, 3 children, then 4, a new marriage, and moving 8 times.... Mackey has been there (that is, when she wasn't running away- she was a winter breed you know ;)) 

We often called here "Eeyore" because of her pure apathy towards life. Unless life involved a squirrel. That was different... 

She was happy to sit around all day as I figured out this parenting thing, or just didn't want to get out of my jammies. And she was equally as happy to jump in the car and visit friends or family or go for a hike. She never woke us up at 3am to go out, she could go allll day if she had to, never had an accident in the house, and was far too apathetic to be destructive. Her only vice was food. She was a begger. And a food stealer if you weren't looking. And our under-the-table-vacuum, and dishwasher-pre-rinser. 

I went to get her with my first husband, when she was just 12 weeks. I printed out her picture online, filled out the applications, and went to pick up... her brother. Yep, that's right. I did NOT want a female dog. Sadly, her brother had already been chosen. So my then-husband and I looked around at the other puppies running amok and jumping on us and chasing other puppies or pieces of paper around this woman's garage... when I spotted the sister. The sister I said I didn't want. 

There she was: sitting in the corner, far too bored to be bothered by all this commotion. And what was that? She was missing a toe?? It looked like it probably needed surgery, and I was working at a vet. So that was it. We took home the lemon. 

After repairing her foot, spaying her, training her, and getting her used to her new routine of going to work with mommy every day- her many days at the vet as a greeter also suckered her in to being subject to an extra cautious mom- extra bloodwork, teeth brushing, daycare, and several ultrasounds. A combination of which soon proved that she had renal dysplasia, a congenital defect of the kidneys. It was unlikely she would live past the age of three. 

Seven years later... yep, seven.... we had what I suspected was nothing more then a little skin tag removed from her gums above her canine tooth. We sent it out for pathology (again, extra stuff because I worked at a vet) and it came back as fibrosarcoma, a form of cancer. 

A little over a year later, I noticed a lump on the opposite side of her gums, about the size of a nickel. Within weeks, it had swelled into her nasal cavity. We essentially hospice-d her here at home, with the help and guidance of her veterinarian, for the last several months. It became more and more difficult for her to breathe- and despite her normal days and attitude, normal appetite, and normal activity level- the nights were getting so hard on her- trying to breathe laying down. We knew it was time to say goodbye. 

She wouldn't lay down- which I knew she wouldn't.... I held her head and neck, and had one arm under her chest. As her body became heavier and heavier, I was able to easily scoop her onto my lap and continue to stroke her face and kiss her head. I reminded her what an amazing friend she had been. And that I hoped she would remember us too. 

We were blessed to have so many weeks to say good bye. 

I am afraid someday I will forget those last few minutes... and I hope I don't. I hope I don't forget that feeling of her resting her head on my shoulder.... the warmth and "Mackey" smell of that huge tuft of fur on the back of her neck..... her seemingly peaceful gaze into nothingness.... 

Fly away home, babygirl.... fly away home.... 

Mackey

March 22, 2005- Sept 19, 2013

<3 

I hope she has found her friends who have gone before her, and her brother or sister who would now be turning 2 in a few months. 

Have YOU ever lost a pet? What resources did you find helpful? Comment below, or find us on Facebook, twitter, or Pinterest. 

Birthday Depression... and NO, not my OWN Birthday!

It's the eve of Baby A's 3rd birthday.... wow, 3 years! Seems crazy!!! She was my only "easy" delivery ;) Came on time, on her scheduled C section date [you can read more about her delivery HERE] and it was, overall, a relaxed hospital stay. No major complications like with Spiderman, and I had full family, friend & hubby support.

Baby A's first photo <3 Just seconds after her birth <3 

But as I scroll through pictures and memories, as I often do when my children's birthdays approach.. I am not reminded of the ease of her actual birth. I am sucked back into a vortex of never-ending screaming. My stomach begins to curl into a knot as I recount the endless visits to chiropractors, pediatrics, medications for reflux, the pain of nursing with a poor latch, the use of the SNS, and still sitting (or as we often did, pacing) throughout the night (and day) with an inconsolable child.

There are no words. As soon as I even start to THINK of those first 12 months (yes, I said 12 months) I am immediately brought to tears. I can't fathom HOW I made it through! How WE made it through!

It reminds me also though, that there is an important message in this story besides what I learned about "colic" or why, in retrospect, I think Baby A was colicky- the message is essentially NOT to judge a book by its' cover.

Now, we hear this again and again- but here's what I mean: those 12 months were the worst of my life. Trumping my divorce, the horrible war that ensued following the demise of Spiderman's dad and I's relationship, my moving, financial struggles.. it trumps all! I tried going back to work at 6 weeks, but I couldn't- there was no way. She wasn't sleeping more than 15 minutes at a time then. (and NO, I am not exaggerating.)

So thankfully, my employer had a position open when I called back about 6 months postpartum. I started work then, but rarely slept, and now was just even more hurried during the day to get things done while still attempting to get 2 kids to daycare, one kid to high school (both in towns about 30 minutes from each other) and then get to work (another half hour away) and then do it all over again on the way home.  As I'm sure every working mother experiences, it was impossible.

I felt crappy. I felt like work wasn't happy as I scurried in in the  morning and shot out in the afternoon; my kids weren't happy as they were the first dropped off and last picked up; my hubby wasn't happy because I was stressed, tired, and the financial strain of the commute and daycare was just too much. I was desperate.

Desperate. 

On top of all of this, I felt a constant barrage of 'you're a bad mom', 'you're unstable', 'you can't concentrate', 'you don't seem motivated', 'you're too emotional' from ALL areas of my life.

No one outside our home could have understood the utter despair that I was going through at that time. YOU choose to say something to someone, or implicate something in someone's direction, and you have NO IDEA how much they are actually holding on their shoulders....

... I was actually supermom then.

SUPER. MOM.

I felt like no one else could have gone through what we went through and come out on the other side. No one.

Now, no doubt there are some other colic-survivors that hear what I'm sayin here! And no doubt, there are mothers and fathers of EVERY family that have their own trials and tribulations that could preach the same message: and THAT is precisely my point.

You never know what happens inside someone's home. Inside someone's heart.

Please, new parent or old friend... do NOT prejudge a situation, or a reaction, or an overall demeanor. Ask questions, offer support, and provide love/friendship/companionship/fellowship.

Today though, as I push the trauma of those first 12 months aside, I am astounded at how far we've come. We are now delighted with our diva-licious, princess, girly-girl, mama-in-the-making, mothers-helper, mini-me... and my bestest girl in the whole world! <3 

We love you Baby A- and can't wait to celebrate your 3rd Birthday with you tomorrow! muah! xo 

We're baaaaaack (again), and we have a Graduate!

Wow, I am so sorry. Yet again it has been too long since I have inserted my two cents into the world of mommy-blogging and virtual-parenting. Albeit it is mostly because I have been busy, well, parenting.

We did also experience some technical difficulties here at the Sirois home for a short stint which got me out of the blogging habit- never a good thing.

Anyway, here I am.

And I have a Kindergarten graduate. Can you believe that?!! WHERE does the time go?!

Graduations and birthdays are often a time of reflection, and it is no different now for us, as we watch Spiderman graduate from kindergarten, and turn 6 on Thursday.

6 years old.

My little man has NO idea what has happened in that 6 years. And really, retrospectively, I am glad it has only been 6 years.

As I 've mentioned before, such as in in between parenting , my ex bf and I share custody of Spiderman, and it hasn't always been an easy, or even existent for that matter, co parenting relationship. Nonetheless, as I reflect today, I am happy to see how far we've come.

I can see past the initial anger, and the hurt - to see the gorgeous, wonderful, happy, spirited, and intelligent little man we have raised - together.

Together with each other, our spouses, Spiderman's siblings, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, his friends, our friends.... he is ONE LOVED LITTLE BOY <3

And I am so proud at how far he's come, how far we've come, and what a magnificent life he has set before him. SO much love surrounds him from all sides- he can't lose!

I thought I would share some of my favorite "glimpses" of him through the years <3

Oh, my little Spiderman, how much has changed since you first entered kindergarten. I am so proud of the little man you are becoming, and so proud and honored to be your mommy <3 I love you! 

gWhat??!!! and JUST in time for SPRING!

gWhat?! gDiapers launches spring fashion for babies.

--   it’s gStyle from top to bottom   --

baby A modeling her gdiaper- the original face of NNM <3

gDiapers launches gStyle for spring 2013, coordinated top and bottoms for baby boys and girls. The spring 2013 gStyle collection features gWhat and gFleur. 

 

* The gWhat tee asks the question “what’s your favorite g word?” and coordinates with the gWhat gPant. 

 

from gdiapers, used with permission

 

* The sleeveless gFleur dress is a lavender and light green floral print that pairs prettily with the gFleur gPants.  

from gdiapers, used with permission

Both are available NOW at  gDiapers.com and select retailers

can't WAIT for Baby B to ROCK hers!! <3

About gDiapers: 

 

Kim and Jason Graham-Nye founded gDiapers in 2005. They had a baby on the way and a diaper decision to make. They found out some staggering, and literally earth-shattering news about conventional disposable diapers:

- 20 billion diapers get thrown in the landfill every year in the US. They are the third largest contributor to landfills.

-  It takes up to 500 years for disposable diapers to biodegrade.

-  90% of Americans use disposable diapers.

Today, gDiapers offers a colorful line of adorable diaper covers with 100% biodegradable* disposable inserts. gDiapers are as gentle on the earth as it is on babies. 

NNM and gdiapers:

You first learned of OUR experience with gdiapers when I explained that you (yes, YOU) can cloth diaper your baby. In the almost 3 years we have been using gdiapers, I have only recently added some other brands to our stash. 

Those of you that follow me on Facebook know that we have been dealing with some HORRIBLE stink issues as of late! I have never had that problem until now. My g's are still our favorite ;) 

our stash of small and newborn gdiapers (plus our two Blissful Booty's in the back) 

We also, of course, have a FULL stash of mediums and larges. <3 I am a LOVER of the hybrid. And I love being able to flush the gdiaper insert so my trash doesn't stink like diaper all day (don't be fooled- diaper genies don't work!) Poop goes where it belongs- in the toilet! 

Plus, HOW CUTE ARE THEY?? 

Baby B's g-butt (photo credit Photography by Kay ) 

 

SHOW SOME LOCAL LOVE and Share your favorite gdiaper retailer below!

Orange Rhino Update- OMG I'VE STOPPED YELLING!!! (oops!) ;)

Ok, so I have a ways to go still... but I have made significant progress in my attempt at the Orange Rhino Challenge

I am FINALLY at the 2 week mark of NO YELLING! Ok, do I need to work on not yelling at my husband??? Yes. That's next ;) 

But after spending way too much time feeling like a failure , I am happy to report that I have not only mastered catching myself before I raise voice towards my kids... but I also have taken more significant steps at figuring out my triggers, and essentially making sure those triggers don't exist! 

For example: 

* getting out the house in the morning :  I now make NO plans first thing in the am. This will of course NOT work once Baby A starts school, but everyone will be older then, so I suspect it will go easier at that time. 

Now, we have Spiderman who has school in the afternoon... daddy takes Sissy to school... and Babies A and B and myself make NO early plans when we can avoid it. This alleviates the morning hustle and mommy freak outs ;) 

Now this theory obviously isn't going to work for everyone, especially our working mamas... but when we DO have something to do in the morning, I make sure I prepare everything I will need ahead of time. Lunches, diaper bags, laundry, clothes out; all that is done the night before. 

* boredom: kids get bored and whiny + infant = mommy loses her $h*t ;) 

Here in Maine the weather is finally getting nicer and we are finally escaping hibernation- thank God! Now, I make more of an effort to eliminate boredom. After breakfast, baby B goes in for a nap around 9:30 or 10am- so then the rest of us do yoga (on demand or a DVD at home) or color until we go outside around 11:30am.  

I just need to keep my mind on finding ways to remain relaxed during a normal day.

While well meaning friends and family always tell me, "take some time for yourself!" "go for a walk" or just "take a nice bubble bath"... 

* my fellow NNM mamas know that a SAHM with a husband that works sometimes 7 days a week- there is no "time for yourself". 

* If I go for a walk, it's with all the kids- and honestly- it's usually NOT fun at all. The two older kids are bickering, Baby A is complaining that she's in a stroller and not walking, and Baby B gets bored after about 5 minutes whether she's being worn or in a stroller. 

NOT relaxing. Usually results in yelling ;) 

* and I can't even PEE by myself, how am I going to take a bath>??!!!! 

Regardless, getting outside means a more relaxed and less-likely-to-yell mama. 

How are YOU doing with your Orange Rhino Challenge? Have you JOINED the challenge yet? JOIN ME!