Babywearing- NNM style!

Just thought I'd give a shout out to babywearing after trying out our new organic Ergo today! As you know, I have been (and remain) an avid lover of our Moby wrap for well over 2 years now... but I have been in desperate need of a back carry for a while now.

I have watched some videos on youtube of how to wrap the Moby for the 'back carry' position, but I also know that Moby themselves warn against using their wrap as a back carry. So I have been in a bit of a quandry.

Financially, I just wasn't able to ever swing the +/- $100 expense of an Ergo, Boba, Beco, etc. I have been in LOVE with the idea of www.paxbaby.com and their rental program, but just haven't gone any further than adoring the idea. lol.

Nonetheless, compliments of the local yard sale site for our area on Facebook, I was able to secure a gently used, yet delightfully priced, Ergo for myself! Yayyyy!

mommy wearing baby A in the LL Bean hiking backpack

daddy and baby A ROCKIN the LL Bean hiker carrier

baby A asleep at the beach in the LL Bean hiker carrier 

baby A, outward facing in an all-too-large bear suit for Halloween 2010

baby A, snugglin while mama babysits twins in her Moby wrap 2010

baby A- (see the orange hat?? lol) in the Moby wrap while we hiked w Spiderman's soccer team <3

baby A nursing (see- all the way to the RIGHT?!) in the Moby wrap during my BFF s bachelorette party! 

mama and baby B, hiking in the white mountains in the Moby

today, at the corn maze, rockin the new organic Ergo!

What's YOUR favorite wrap or carrier??

Attachment Parenting Series: Nurturing Touch

For those who have been following our attachment parenting series, let's discuss principle # 4 Nurturing Touch ;

Let me share with you one of the quotes in this book that has stuck with me since I first read it. It is in reference to a Doctor who toured a children's clinic in Germany before World War I.

"As he was shown about the wards, he noticed a large old woman who was carrying a very sick infant. When he inquired who the woman was, the attending physician said, "Oh that is Old Anna. When we have done everything we can medically for a baby, and it is still not doing well, we turn it over to Old Anna, she is always successful"... as she rocked and held these fragile babies. Dr Talbot introduced this kind of care when he returned to Boston, and his methods spread. In 1938, Bellevue Hospital in NY established the rule that every baby should be picked up and "mothered" on the pediatric wards; that year their death rate fell from 35% to less than 10%" (p127).

So clearly, simply holding a baby will not answer all of our infant problems in the world, but just take a look around at other mammals. They carry babies on their backs, or hold them close to their chest, and encouraging a reciprocating touch relationship. Infants in certain African tribes have been found in research to be with their mothers (directly, as in being held or worn) 70% of the time, versus infants in the US and England, which conversely are only with their mothers (as described above) 25% of the time, and in daycares a mere 14% of the time.

Kangaroo Care

I know I have mentioned kangaroo care before, but this is one of the prime examples of nurturing touch, especially when it comes to premature infants. Essentially it describes skin to skin contact between the mothers (caregivers) and the infants. Babies that experience kangaroo care have been shown to gain weight faster, sleep better, nurse better, and have more stable heart rates and temperatures.

Chiropractic & Infant Massage

As I mentioned in my post about my own experience with chiropractic and infant massage , the benefits of each can be overwhelming. Both can help with nursing/latch issues, allergies, relaxation, general improvement in immune system, and overall improvement in the parent-child bonding experience. Infant massage classes are also available now in most communities.



photo courtesy of New England Chiropractic Westbrook, Maine



Babywearing

We've already discussed the topic of babywearing in fairly significant detail in A Parent's Call to Arms, and I'm an Attached Parent, Are You?  The moral of the babywearing story is this, every other culture in the world (yes, the world) besides Americans and much of England, wear their babies; and none of those cultures experience what we describe as colic. Hmmmmm....



Since this theory of Nurturing Touch carries through past infancy to continue the bonding experience with your child, older children can still enjoy massages and even the benefits of chiropractic. Additionally, frequent hugs and snuggles are also recommended. :)

How do you practice nurturing touch in your home? Have you tried infant massage or chiropractic? What were your thoughts?

Sunday Surf- A Day Early! I couldn't resist!

LOTS going on this week, with some awesome posts by other bloggers! My favorite this week was a recent post by Cotton Babies which I shared in an earlier post, I liked it so much! :)

How do Diaper your Baby for Almost-FREE
Almost-FREE Diapers was an excellent post describing 'old-fashioned' ways to make diapers out of household products for those of us who struggle to afford diapers and other necessities. Like the author, I know what it is like to decide between diapers and food. This was just one of the reasons we switched to cloth diapers, but had a good friend not given us (as hand-me-downs) her HUGE lot of g diapers, I'm not sure we would have been able to afford the upfront costs associated with cloth diapering.

There was also a great post by the Natural Parents Network called Babywearing: More than just the Logical Choice

I loved it because I could identify with Kristen in that I too, had received a carrier but failed to use it with my first born. And he too, would only sleep on my chest. We would use it for hiking, but that was about the extent of it. Retrospectively I think we both would have had a far better experience and got a whole lot more done had we shared the 'wearing' experience.

It wasn't until baby A, my colicky/needy/cranky/sensitive (depending on what you want to call it ) :) baby- that I truly discovered the art (and necessity) of babywearing. And let me tell you what.... if I NEVER have to lug around that stupid carseat again- it will be too soon!

My personal fave carrier, the Moby wrap (www.mobywrap.com)

and last thing, NEW website find! You MUST check out Mama Knows Best. She also has a blog and a Facebook page.

Enjoy!

Attached at the Heart- A Parent's Call to Arms

Humans are born with only 25% of the brain development they will grow to have in adulthood, unlike other mammals who would clearly succoumb to natural selection if they weren't fully developed at birth! Even chimpanzees, our closest genetic relative, are born with 75% of their ultimate brain function.

Some call it the 4th trimester of pregnancy, other's call it post pardum. So while it's based on science, it's also common sense. Think about it! One day you're nice and cozy warm, listening to moms heartbeat, being swished around all day and lulled to sleep...then the next, your placed in a dark, quiet room all alone, and expected to sleep soundly! It doesn't make any sense!

"...their brains are adapting to their experiences (hardwiring), internalizing what their parents have modeled for them, making it more difficult to change as they grow older" (p17). We all know and understand, I would hope, that we influence our children as they grow. But it was not quite so clear to me the first time around THEIR experience and transition- I was too consumed with day to day survival :) Wearing your baby in a sling or wrap or carrier- provides them with the warmth, and similar sounds (heartbeat), and feelings (swishing with your movements) that they're used to in utero. Babies are calmer and more relaxed, and as I mentioned in I am an Attached Parent, are you? , you also end up with two free hands! As babies get older, like baby A who is now 6 months, they also learn more. I can talk with her as I'm doing dishes or laundry and she is at face level. She sees everything almost as I see it and I can talk to her about what I'm doing. Does she care? No, half the time I look at her in the mirror after and she is sound asleep! But her brain is absorbing something! And it HAS to be more interesting than being placed in her crib or on the floor during the stretches of time during the day where I am required to function as a housewife. 

As you can see, as your baby grows, there are a variety of ways to wear your baby. These are all using the Moby wrap  , but there are a variety of options available. Not sure which one to use? Sites like PAX Baby allow you to RENT different types of carriers for CHEAP money so you can figure out which one works best for you and your baby. You can also check within your own community for sling exchanges and how-to classes through your local hospital or community center.  Parent support groups are also a great way to discuss/ learn about/ and experience babywearing!

Another facet of this whole 4th trimester is sleeping. From the womb to a lonely crib? Eek! Bassinets and co sleepers are not just for ease of night time feedings- they are, to me, essential to getting a better night sleep! Now, per my usual behavior, I let my babies tell me when they were ready to cease our co sleeping arrangement. My son outgrew his bassinet at about 4 months, and happily transitioned to his crib at that time. My daughter, about the same time, but she insisted on being swaddled :) Myself, that was a good time for both babies too- because I cherish those few moments when you first go to bed with your husband/spouse/partner. Especially in those early months and years :) They are vital for nourishing your own relationship!

Other families co sleep for far longer, which can be a tremendous bonding experience for the whole family. Since I can't speak from experience, I won't discuss that here. But to learn more, you can check out more family bed information via Google, Attachment Parenting International (API), or Mothering magazine.

 This book, which describes all 8 Principles of Attachment Parenting in detail, and which we will delve into in the weeks to come, explicity states that it is not a manual on how to parent. It is, however, a guide on allowing parents to go with their gut. Using your instincts, and listening to what your children are telling you will not spoil them. It will teach them they can rely on you, and it will teach them how to form relationships with others. Be the result you want to see in your kids.

"Our children are living examples of what it means to fully embrace life with joy, passion, enthusiasm by living in the moment and filling wonder in everything. The love, empathy, and affection our children learn from us and others in their lives will carry on into their adult relationships and with their children. Our children can be our greatest teachers in life if we allow it - they will challenge us in ways we never believed possible, and as a result, we will become better human beings and parents" (p296).

Want to read this book but not spend money? Check your local library! If they don't have it, ask about an inter library loan.


What are some attachment parenting ideals you can relate to and why? or why not?

I am an attached parent. Are you?

Parenting is hard. It is the epitome of extreme on the job training, and yet our most rewarding career. With the constant presence of social media outlets, I see other moms who seem to be able to balance it all! Facebook posts about moms groups and brunches and yoga, and blogs filled with contradictory information about what makes a good parent. HOW do they do it? and what information is accurate?

The truth is, it doesn't matter. None of it matters. If the mom down the street is able to fill her calendar with activities and you are barely able to shower- you're still a good mom. If you have to work full time to support your family, or if you're home with your kid(s), or if you have shared custody- you're still a good mom. I am a good mom.

Believe it or not, it has taken me a long time to get here.  I have always had an inclination towards, what I would call, child-led parenting. To me, this meant- follow my child's lead. I have never believed in waking up a sleeping baby to feed them, or letting a child cry until they go to sleep, etc. You certainly don't come home from the hospital with an instruction manual, so I figured- they'll let me know what they need.

When my son was born 3 and 1/2 years ago, I was a typical first time mom, I had NO idea what to do with this little being they sent me home with- but I was going to do my best. And that's what I reminded, and continue to remind myself, of everyday. Everyone has an opinion on EVERY facet of parenting- and they ALL feel the need to inundate you with them. So I took everyone's advice- and did my best.

Inevitably, I learned from some mistakes, and when my daughter was born 6 months ago, I was a bit more confident and prepared. I would never, EVER let her cry in her crib until she fell asleep. I made that mistake ONE night with my son - torture by the way- based on "advice" from family members who said I would spoil him if I kept going to him in the middle of the night. He was about 8 months old. I will NEVER do that again. Ever. (If you're not so sure, read A Letter from a Sleep Trained Baby)

I would nurse more. I had difficulty nursing the first time around and was made to feel terrible for it- I would not let myself live like that this time. I would take whatever came naturally. Thankfully, nursing was easier (I did not say easy) this time around :)

But aside from those things- I planned to do a lot of my parenting the same. My son has turned out fabulous, if I do say so myself :) and so I felt a could apply the same principles to my daughter.

This time around, I also had some more time. My daughter was, needy to say the least (what others would describe as 'colicky'), so I was unable to return to work as I had planned. I needed to do some research. What was I doing wrong? We were co sleeping, I was nursing her, I was holding her, I was rocking her, I was loving her- so why was she crying all the time?


In my research I came upon something amazing... there is actually a name for what I was doing... my 'child led parenting' was actually called Attachment Parenting! And there were pieces I was missing out on! Like babywearing , and swaddling!  Other cultures wear their babies all the time, nurse on command, and live with other family members (it DOES take a village to raise a child). North America? not so much. The ONLY culture that experiences colic? Ours. Hmmmm....

With a toddler at home I knew I would have to make some concessions, it certainly would not be feasible for me to nurse on command all day, but I did immediately purchase a Moby wrap and start wearing my baby whenever she was not sleeping or nursing. I invested in several more Born Free pacifiers , and a package of Aden & Anais swaddling blankets. I also consulted with my doctor, and after having done a dairy-free trial as well as eliminating the possibility of acid reflux, started using all my new parenting ammo :) 

What do babies need? Well, first thing: every baby is different. What works for one baby is not necessarily going to work for another. My two children are polar opposites. That being said, there are some basic principles that truly work! Fussy baby? Swaddle it. Baby A cried at first, but by the time I laid her down that first time (at 6 weeks old mind you), she was silent. She just turned 6 months and this is only her 2nd day going to bed unswaddled. And yes, I let HER tell me when she was ready :)  Babies like to suckle. Don't have time to nurse on command? Get a paci. They will not go to college with it, their baby teeth fall out, and it will not impede their language acquisition or speech if you use it for it's intended purpose and not as a crutch. And wear your baby. Skin to skin contact, also known as kangaroo care , is essential for every baby (particularly preemie's). The best benefit? You have 2 free hands!! I could suddenly do laundry, dishes, cook dinner, walk to the store, and take my toddler to the park without having a wailing baby in my arms. It was incredible! I could do a whole post on babywearing... actually, I just might :) , there are more options than just the Moby wrap- the Moby just happens to be my favorite! But I am also itching to get a Boba- so regardless which system you choose, science has proven that babies who are worn on a regular basis are smarter, calmer, and are healthier physiologically than those carried in a car seat. Plus, it is SO much easier than lugging around a carseat!

Science or not, within 3 days, we saw a world of difference in Baby A! I then made a commitment to myself and to my kids to start making the specific principles of Attachment Parenting part of our daily life. Nurturing touch, positive reinforcement, compassion and consistency were all things that were already part of my parenting style, but now I had some concrete guidelines... like an instruction manual! WHY do they not send you home with this??!

So now that you know how we got here, tomorrow I will be doing a book review of Attached at the Heart by API co founders Barbara Nicholson and Lysa Parker. Every week for the next 8 weeks you will find a new post on each principle of attachment parenting, and how I have applied to my own life! Let me just end this today by making one thing clear- I am not the BEST parent. And I am, by no means, about to start telling others how they need to parent. I find these work for my family, and hope that others might find some solace in these ideas!

So, know a new mom? Or are you a mom who just wants to get caught up on your reading?? :) Your child-instruction-manual-must-haves are as follows;

Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp (also avail as an ebook- THINK environment! and it's cheaper :) )

Attached at the Heart by Barbara Nicholson & Lysa Parker (see link above)

Mothering Magazine (digital subscriptions are only $4.95 AND are better for the environment!)

What were your new-mommy must haves??