RealMama Week Day 6 RE VISIT: My Agenda from Purejoy Parenting

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you!

RealMama RE VISIT: Birth Plan Kinks

 RealMama week, day 5

Enjoy this reader's story about her journey to motherhood. Thank you to Amanda, for your genuine portrait of your birth story is a perfect piece for RealMama week. 

The Perpetual Birth Plan Kink: 

"You're going to need a C section"

It was February 8th, 2011 and I had a routine doctor's appointment.  I was 39 weeks pregnant and just waiting for labor to kick in.  The doctor had been telling me my entire pregnancy that I was measuring big for my gestational age, but showed no concern for my size.  I am only 5'3", I had a belly that was really out there!  The doctor told me at 38 weeks that if the baby was measuring over 9lbs that a c-section would be my best option for mine and the baby's safety.  39 weeks came, we went to get the ultrasound and he was measuring in the 90th percentile for length and weight...at 9lbs, 14oz!  The c-section was scheduled for that night and the next few days are a blurry haze of phone calls, delivery, recovery...and life begins with my new son!

photo from Google Images

 He was born a week early to the day of his due date, a beautiful healthy boy weighing 8lbs 13oz and 20.5" long.  The c-section was scheduled for 7pm on February 8th, it was 2pm when I left the doctors office and
I had to be at the hospital at 4!

The first person I called was my mom, who lives 4 hours away, to tell her today was the day and she had to hurry and get down here.  Many calls later, my husband and I were sure we had notified everyone.  We left the doctors office and ran a few errands and went home to get our stuff.  It all seemed so surreal at that point, we were about to be parents and our lives were going to change forever...

I had already had my bags packed quite a few weeks ago, so we just relaxed (to the best of our ability at that point) and waited to go to the hospital, savoring our last few moments of life with just the two of us.  Arriving at the hospital, things started immediately; my prep for my c-section pretty much started from the minute I got there.  I actually got into the operating room to have him earlier than scheduled, I was scheduled for a 7pm delivery and ended up having him at 6:44pm.  I think we were actually in the operating room an hour ahead of schedule.

My husband was setting up our room with all of our stuff and we were just getting settled in and the nurses came in and said they had the operating room ready and were going to take me early...see why this day was such a blur?  I didn't even get to really see or hold my son for hours after he was born.  I held him for a few minutes while they wheeled me back to my room, but after that he was placed on a warmer on the other side of the room while my family all came in and "oohed" and "aah-ed" over him for an hour or so.  We ended up leaving the hospital 2 days early because we were both doing so well. I had been up walking and showering the next day without pain meds, and my son wasn't jaundiced, and he was breastfeeding like a champ, so the hospital didn't feel it necessary to keep us there the full stay.

I now have a big, beautiful, exclusively breastfed, healthy, strong, smart baby boy who is (unbelievably) 4 months old now.  I find it hard to believe it's been 4 months already, but I love watching him grow and change everyday.  I am looking forward to seeing what new developments come in this next month and all the months to come in his life.



What was your birth story like? Planned, emergency, did it go as it thought you would- why/why not? 

RealMama Week 2013: Are YOU Ready? This is about YOU!

Attention Mamas and Papas: 

We had such an amazing response to RealMama week 2011, that we are doing it again this year! 

Coming in May, daily published posts will be 

FOR YOU 

FROM YOU 

& 

ABOUT YOU!

 

Not a blogger?? That's ok!

We want submissions from everyone! Long stories, short articles, poems, pictorial of your life,

it doesn't matter! We just want to hear what's important to 

 YOU!

image from www.bayareaenterprises.org

 

  Post a comment below, or email me at

siroismama@gmail.com

if you have questions, or want to let me know YOU want to be published in RealMama Week 2013!

    

 

RealMama RE PUBLISH: Spiritual Momma & Living Mindfully

RealMama Week, Day 4

Todays post comes to us from Sarah, "mother" of Spiritual Momma :)

I am not just a mother. Imagine that! I am a woman, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a friend, a tree hugger, an asshole and a junkie for anything that makes me feel good. I have almost gone off the deep end, several times. Somehow, someway I found myself in the madness and now I want to share that with you.

Living Mindfully, RealMama Style.

photo courtesy of Spiritual Momma on Facebook

I like to get right to the heart of the matter; It has become really clear that my role as a mother is to guide my children on the journey of their spirit. This journey of course, starts with me and the journey of my own spirit. 

My journey has not been graceful; in fact I would venture to say my ride has been messy, traumatic and glorious. Unfortunately I learn the hard way (and so do my children). If I could pass a few ounces of wisdom onto my children.. just a few… they would be:

          *Listen & trust your intuition little noodle, always follow your heart

          *Believe in yourself and that all things are possible

          *Celebrate your BE-ingness (you are special and so very loved)

          *Live in this moment, right now- it’s all you have

          *Life is on your side, so DREAM BIG! and then some

I believe that as a mother, I am to love and support my kiddos no matter what. Even through times of disappointment, fear and uncertainty. Furthermore, I want to live mindfully; at peace with what is, and in touch with myself and the flow of life. 

What I have found is that in order to do so; I must heal my own wounds, seek awareness and acceptance for what is, relinquish my incessant need to control the uncontrollable and allow myself to love and experience joy. 

This means I just refuse to save my kids from scraping their knees on the sidewalk, or harping on them to follow every stupid rule. Life will teach them that, I am certain. I want to show them how to live mindfully, and hopefully make a difference one day. 

Perfection is not an option. This means some moments are difficult, messy, and painful. This is my cue to go within and mother myself. My children are not the problem, and certainly not the source of my discomfort. My children have been my greatest gift,  and have revealed to me time and time again,  that which had not been healed within me. 

just one of the many cool items available at Spiritual Momma's Etsy boutique

So perhaps right now is an excellent time to ask yourself what motherhood means to you...

In closing, I will share one of my greatest comforts: I am free to change my mind or revise anything at any time. 

-Spiritual Momma

* Find and 'like' Spiritual Momma on Facebook 

* Follow her on Twitter

RealMama Week: Mothering Me RE- PUBLISH

 RealMama Week, Day 3

Enjoy this beautiful post by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting

Leslie Potter is the founder of Pure Joy Parenting, a joy based parenting model which supports parents in moving from a traditional fear-based model to a joy-based one, focusing on relationship and healthy attachment. She is a co-author of Chaos to Connection: 9 Heart Centered Essentials for Parenting your Teen. Leslie is a Parent Coach with a background as a body centered therapist. She created the Parent Coach model at Vive a national company working with at risk teens and their parents. In 2008, she founded Purejoy Parenting to educate and support new parents in understanding the importance of their attachment stories and how they affect their relationships with their children.

Mothering Me

Motherhood has stretched me beyond words.  How could I have known that one little soul could awaken such light, as well as illuminate such darkness.  When waiting for my daughter,  I imagined all the good aspects of being a mother.  I felt I was ready to surrender fully to the amazing opportunity I was being given.  Finally, after 44 years of waiting and preparing, I was going to be a mother.  It had taken me that long to embrace my childhood and feel I had done enough work that I wouldn't damage my child.

photo courtesy of Leslie Potter on Facebook

I was beyond excited for the opportunity to be the Mom I knew I had inside.  What I hadn't planned for was the depth of pain that would arise when I fell short.  Talk about humility!  This has been my path, and daily I bow down to my daughter for showing me the true path to loving myself.  When I am able to open to the depth of beauty and grace she provides, instead of needing her to behave the way I want her to so I look like a good mom, I can see clearly.

 I don't need her to validate me and have found I can relax and open to being a safe emotional container for her to learn and grow.  When I'm able to take full responsibility for my feelings and my stories, I am able to let her off the hook to be the beautiful light she embodies.

Learning to love myself starts with me and it is the greatest gift I offer my sweet girl.

Even though my love for her showed me the way, I learned that loving myself was up to me.  When I needed her to convince me that I was lovable, I felt the pain.  When I was finally able to step into the shoes of that amazing Mom I had inside...I began to mother ME as well as my daughter. 

How do you feel about the mom you ARE, versus the mom you thought you'd be?



* Find and 'like' Purejoy Parenting on Facebook 
* Check out her website & blog  for Leslie's Parenting Pearls and contact info 
* and be sure to follow her on Twitter 

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! <3

You can also check out Leslie's latest contribution to PBS here.

RealMama Week: Cheap Eats does NOT mean low Quality :)

    RealMama Week, Day 2 

guest post provided by Michelle Collins from The Economical Eater

I eat, I cook, I write, I blog, I don't eat meat - and I have barely any money to spend on anything besides bills and student loans. Growing up in a family of six with a budget to stick to, I learned to appreciate good food enjoyed around a full table without spending a lot of money.

 Quick, Delicious, & Inexpensive Family Pantry MUST Haves for a Great Dinner EVERY Night of the Week:

Anyone who knows me knows that I am cheap. I pay attention to serving sizes strictly in order to not waste food/money, I have never left a room without turning a light off (only in order to keep my electric bill low), and I will wait to fill up my gas tank until my car is literally running on fumes. 

Michelle Collins, aka The Economical Eater

    When it comes to food, though, I am probably the cheapest – but it has been proven to me time and time again that affordable food does not have to mean low quality. Eating an affordable diet also does not mean you have to compromise variety or nutrition. Whether you live alone, have a family or a roommate, there are some essential items to have on hand at all times in order to make balanced, flavorful, simple meals throughout the week: 
 
* Black beans: I always have at least one can of black beans in my pantry at all times. A can of Stop & Shop’s organic black beans are $0.99, and I use them all the time in vegetarian tacos/burritos, scrambled eggs, and homemade black bean burgers.

Black bean burgers

Eggs: This might seem like a no-brainer, but eggs aren’t just for breakfast anymore. I love making egg sandwiches for a simple, protein-filled dinner, and I also enjoy hard boiling eggs to incorporate in salads throughout the week – or to make egg salad, which goes a very long way for how little it costs to put together at home.
 
Frozen vegetables: Frozen veggies provide an easy, affordable alternative to getting your daily dose of vegetables. They’re not only great to incorporate in a weeknight pasta dish, or for toppings on a homemade pizza, but they also provide a quick side dish to any meal – and a perfect accompinament to a weekend morning omelette. I love having spinach and peas on-hand especially, since they are so versatile. 
 
Chickpeas: Roasted chickpeas are incredibly easy to make, and make a delicious, healthy snack that keeps well in a sealed container. Making your own hummus is also a lot cheaper than buying it at the grocery store (chickpeas cost about $0.99 since, too), and if you like Indian food, a simple dinner of chickpeas, some frozen vegetables and a slew of spices (served with some warm Naan) is simple, inexpensive and satisfying. 
 
Quinoa: One box of quinoa goes a very long way. Quinoa is not only chock-full of protein, it is also extremely adaptable. For a tasty twist on a classic dish, try these quinoa "meat"balls, or make a simple summer dish of quinoa, crumbled feta cheese and grilled zucchini. 

Quinoa 'meat' balls

    Of course, there are many other affordable kitchen essentials that come in handy, but these are some of my favorites. It’s always great to know that with a few shortcuts – and just a few dollars – you and your family can eat well-balanced, nutritious meals every day of the week.

* NNM Note: Ironically, ALL of the items mentioned here in the post by Economical Eater are all ones provided by your local WIC office (well, minus the quinoa) :) 

* Find and 'Like' The Economical Eater on Facebook

* Follow The Economical Eater on Twitter 

* and keep up with all her great recipes and restaurant finds on her blog 

 What are some items/ingredients you always have in your kitchen? 

RealMama Week: In the Arms of Motherhood

 RealMama Week, Day 1

Our first post for RealMama week is a heartfelt description of what being a Mama means to LR Knost, from Little Hearts Books (Gentle Parenting Resources)

L.R.Knost, Christian author and homeschooling mother of six, is the founder of the nonprofit, Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources, which offers Gentle Parenting workshops, speakers, and consultations in the Central Florida area as well as online Gentle Parenting resources. Her Wisdom For Little Hearts children’s book series weaves Gentle Parenting techniques into colorful, engaging stories for little ones ages 2-6. The first book in the series, Petey’s Listening Ears, was released from Lifeway in April 2011, and Addie’s Inside Voice, JoJo’s Gentle Hands, and Zoey the Happy Helper are due out soon with more to follow! For more information on Gentle Parenting or to order Little Hearts books or products, please visit www.littleheartsbooks.com or Amazon at http://t.co/dIpvluC. 

 In the Arms of Motherhood

Motherhood is very simple to me. It’s a gift to me, but it’s not about me. Period. I’m the one who chose to bring these little people into the world, so the thought that somehow they have the responsibility to fit into my life, and work around my schedule, and not disrupt my pursuit of self completely mystifies me. 

They aren’t interlopers; they are guests, invited guests! And how do we treat our guests? Do we ignore their needs or make incomprehensible demands on them or ridicule, name-call, and hit them when they misstep? Of course not! We welcome our guests with special dinners, make accommodations for their needs, and forgive their lack of knowledge of our ways. And our children deserve no less. In fact, they deserve much more! When our littlest invited guests arrive, they are welcomed with open arms that are always available, day or night. They are provided nature’s best provision for their nutritional needs. And they are gently guided by example and lovingly encouraged to become a part of a healthy family dynamic. In short, when I invite these little people into my life, it stops being my life and becomes our lives!  

Motherhood is, very simply, a lovely sacrifice. The Bible says, “Women will be saved through childbearing” (1 Timothy 2:15). I believe God is referring to the sacrifice of self that mothers willingly and lovingly live for their children as a reflection of the sacrifice Jesus made for His children on the Cross. It is a lovely retelling of the Cross played out in the arms of motherhood, again and again and again. 

Consider the young mother who gives up night after night of sleep to soothe her little ones cries, or the older mother who gives up the peace of her golden years to welcome the child of her youth back into her home when life hits hard. This laying down of self, this giving up of comforts and rights and dreams; these are losses, sacrifices, but they are lovely, beautiful beyond belief. Their loveliness lies in the soft, warm weight of a sleepy baby with a full belly and a trusting heart. Their beauty lies in the spark of hope in the tear-filled eyes of a weary adult who’s life has turned dark, but who finds home is still a safe refuge.


My children, all six of them, are precious gifts straight from God’s heart to my home. I have had other precious gifts, babies who God gave for a time to fill my womb, but who weren’t meant to fill my arms, and one He gave to fill my arms for just a moment, who wasn’t meant to stay. 

Each one of them brought with them the unique knowledge of how breathtakingly exquisite every living, breathing child is and how priceless and fragile and brief life itself can be. I do not take this knowledge lightly. I have learned to treasure the moments of life with my children. I’ve learned that it’s not about me; it’s about us. And I’ve learned that sacrifice lights up the dark places in the world, making it a more beautiful place for all of us to live.

* Find and 'Like' Little Hearts Books (Gentle Parenting Resources) on Facebook

* Follow Little Hearts Books on Twitter 

and let her know NNM sent you!

It seems like Forever....

So wow, it has been FAR too long since I have hit these keys for anything besides a quick Facebook surf! There has been a lot of family "stuff" going on as of late and I want to first, apologize for my absolute absence on the mommy-blog-scene. I have, however, been very busy on the mama-scene with my three kids!

Having said that, I hope to get back to blogging sooooon! Everything is starting to normalize so I should have my in between nap time and night times back to type away!! :)

Baby A during a cupcake hangover at her cousin's birthday party <3

baby A & hubby opening some of HER presents during her 1st Birthday party!

My Little Spiderman at his 4th Birthday Party!  Theme? Spiderman, obvi :)

Big sister and her friend at the little kid party! Clearly enjoying themselves! :)

Here are some other great reads to keep you occupied in the meantime, and if you haven't yet, be sure to check out the amazing contributions from our RealMama Week a few weeks back! Hope you're all doing well!

Need to reuse your recalled crib? Check out these great ideas;
Repurposing the Recalled Crib by Consignment Mommies

This is a great, religious twist on attachment parenting; what I like about the blog is that she makes realistic connections, it's a great read!
Attachment Parenting- A Christian Perspective by Hippie Housewife

My husband & I are a great couple. We actually communicate quite well, and although we undoubtedly participate in an argument or two, we love each other and our little family. We do NOT, however, agree on parenting....

We agree on the grand scheme, which is what makes this all work. We both want the best for all of our kids, we want them to grow up to be happy, social, confident, well adjusted, confident, and emotionally expressive teens/adults. Getting there can be difficult since our styles are sooo different! I read this next post almost daily now, to remind myself that there are inherent strengths in each of our differences :)

Just not on the Same Page, by Becoming Crunchy


Fill me in on your favorite reads, online or otherwise, so I can catch up on what I've missed during my little hiatus. Thank you!!

Sunday Surf: RealMama Week Wrap Up

RealMama Wrap Up 

We had so many great contributors this week, and a huge thank you goes out to all of them. A diverse group of topics, which I hope provided some helpful info to all of our RealMamas :) 

My inspirational 'RealMama'; Jessica, creator of The Leaky B@@b and her youngest nursling

In the Arms of Motherhood was a tear-jerking post about the authors view on being a mama. The genuine intent with which is was written just warms my heart, and of course, her personal struggles are heartbreaking! 

What I loved most about the post is the simple, seemingly common-sense approach to mothering; that we treat our children like we would teach guests. Our brains so often perpetuate stories about what one minute behavior might perpetuate for future behaviors, that we lose sight of the moment with our children. This type of parenting/behavior is also described in detail in the piece titled My Agenda  (Day 6), by Purejoy Parenting. 

 

Knosts' and Potters' descriptions of meeting our children where they are at, emotionally and intellectually, is SO important for helping to solidify the attachment between parent and child, but for greatly decreasing the anxiety that can accompany parenthood. Much of the anxiety we feel comes from worrying about our child's behavior in the moment (out in public, etc.), and/or considering what said behavior might mean in relation to future behaviors (if I let this go, he's never going to understand what it means to be responsible, etc.).  Our Day 3 post, Mothering Me, by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting reiterated these sentiments, and also describes her own personal struggle into motherhood. 

LR Knost and her son, from Little Hearts Books (Gentle Parenting Resources), contributor for Day 1 of RealMama Week

Leslie Potter, from Purejoy Parenting (contributor for Day 3 and Day 6 of RealMama week)

When I originally started this project of RealMama week, I wanted "authentic pieces describing how YOU view motherhood/parenthood/being a mama, etc". And I would say, piggybacking off Day 1 and Day 3 posts (above), our Day 4 post Living Mindfully was probably my favorite! 

Spiritual Momma, contributor for Day 4 of RealMama week

Her wisdom-list that she hopes to pass on to her children, is now smeared all over an index card in big, black Sharpie on the entryway between our room and the kids room. I love her description of not sweating the small things; clearly when you have been through traumatic/trying/difficult times in your life, the "small" things can seem really insignificant. I find myself all to often (which I try on a daily basis to correct) saying things like "don't do that because you'll get hurt", or "don't do this because x will happen"; and basing parenting 'rules' on fear is never the way to go!

As Spiritual Momma describes, skinned knees will happen, your kids will fall and get bruises, and sometimes they will "fall" with emotional pain: 

Our job is not to STOP these things from happening, but to give our child(ren) the tools to cushion their falls.  Teaching them to trust their instincts, believing in themselves, living in the moment, and dreaming BIG; are all tools for them that they can use for the rest of their lives. 

Obviously, as parents, we do need to keep our child(ren) safe from harm. But as they get older, it gets harder and harder to keep them in the loving bubble that is our arms (or our chosen babywearing device :)). In an age appropriate way, I believe it is of the utmost importance to not shelter our children, but provide them with emotional and intellectual TOOLS; so that they may one day be active, participatory, loving, and  kind members of society.

homemade black bean burgers provided by The Economical Eater, contributor for Day 2 of RealMama week

Switching gears a bit, Cheap Eats was a post by The Economical Eater sharing some fabulous, delicious, and nutritious pantry staples and accompanying weeknight (or any-night) meals for all of us RealMamas! Almost all the pantry staples, which included black beans, eggs, frozen vegetables, and chickpeas; are all items offered as part of your local WIC program. And don't be stingy- feed the SAME thing to your kiddos! Check out more info on how I view baby food You Want Me to Eat What?! (my guest post via Instinctual Mamas).

One of our NNM readers provided her incredible Birth Story as our Day 5 post for RealMama week. Amanda  describes the blur that was her unexpected C Section delivery and the following few days of visitors, adjusting the motherhood, and the transition from hospital to home. Her story has a delightful ending of a great mama & baby relationship, an EBF baby, and a happy healthy now 4 month old! <3

I love hearing birth stories, mostly because my first was so horrible, that I can live vicariously through others when I hear about their births! I really can't complain in that, in the end, I ended up with a happy, healthy, and wonderful now almost 4 year old! <3 But his start was FAR from what I expected. 

Here's my question to you, at the birth(s) of your child(ren), did you have that moment of pure, elated joy that so many women describe? How would you describe your feeling(s) during birth? 

 I hope you enjoyed RealMama week as much as I did, and look forward to another RealMama week coming SOON! 

Send entries anytime to mymackey@gmail.com and put RealMama in the subject line. Be sure to include a short bio, and attach any personal photos if you would like them included in your post.

 

RealMama Week: My Agenda

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! 

RealMama Week: One Mama's Birth Story

 RealMama week, day 5

Enjoy this reader's story about her journey to motherhood. Thank you to Amanda, for your genuine portrait of your birth story is a perfect piece for RealMama week. 

The Perpetual Birth Plan Kink: 

"You're going to need a C section"

It was February 8th, 2011 and I had a routine doctor's appointment.  I was 39 weeks pregnant and just waiting for labor to kick in.  The doctor had been telling me my entire pregnancy that I was measuring big for my gestational age, but showed no concern for my size.  I am only 5'3", I had a belly that was really out there!  The doctor told me at 38 weeks that if the baby was measuring over 9lbs that a c-section would be my best option for mine and the baby's safety.  39 weeks came, we went to get the ultrasound and he was measuring in the 90th percentile for length and weight...at 9lbs, 14oz!  The c-section was scheduled for that night and the next few days are a blurry haze of phone calls, delivery, recovery...and life begins with my new son!

photo from Google Images

 He was born a week early to the day of his due date, a beautiful healthy boy weighing 8lbs 13oz and 20.5" long.  The c-section was scheduled for 7pm on February 8th, it was 2pm when I left the doctors office and
I had to be at the hospital at 4!

The first person I called was my mom, who lives 4 hours away, to tell her today was the day and she had to hurry and get down here.  Many calls later, my husband and I were sure we had notified everyone.  We left the doctors office and ran a few errands and went home to get our stuff.  It all seemed so surreal at that point, we were about to be parents and our lives were going to change forever...

I had already had my bags packed quite a few weeks ago, so we just relaxed (to the best of our ability at that point) and waited to go to the hospital, savoring our last few moments of life with just the two of us.  Arriving at the hospital, things started immediately; my prep for my c-section pretty much started from the minute I got there.  I actually got into the operating room to have him earlier than scheduled, I was scheduled for a 7pm delivery and ended up having him at 6:44pm.  I think we were actually in the operating room an hour ahead of schedule.

My husband was setting up our room with all of our stuff and we were just getting settled in and the nurses came in and said they had the operating room ready and were going to take me early...see why this day was such a blur?  I didn't even get to really see or hold my son for hours after he was born.  I held him for a few minutes while they wheeled me back to my room, but after that he was placed on a warmer on the other side of the room while my family all came in and "oohed" and "aah-ed" over him for an hour or so.  We ended up leaving the hospital 2 days early because we were both doing so well. I had been up walking and showering the next day without pain meds, and my son wasn't jaundiced, and he was breastfeeding like a champ, so the hospital didn't feel it necessary to keep us there the full stay.

I now have a big, beautiful, exclusively breastfed, healthy, strong, smart baby boy who is (unbelievably) 4 months old now.  I find it hard to believe it's been 4 months already, but I love watching him grow and change everyday.  I am looking forward to seeing what new developments come in this next month and all the months to come in his life.



What was your birth story like? Planned, emergency, did it go as it thought you would- why/why not? 

RealMama Week: Living Mindfully, RealMama Style

RealMama Week, Day 4

Todays post comes to us from Sarah, "mother" of Spiritual Momma :) 

I am not just a mother. Imagine that! I am a woman, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a friend, a tree hugger, an asshole and a junkie for anything that makes me feel good. I have almost gone off the deep end, several times. Somehow, someway I found myself in the madness and now I want to share that with you.

Living Mindfully, RealMama Style.

photo courtesy of Spiritual Momma on Facebook

I like to get right to the heart of the matter; It has become really clear that my role as a mother is to guide my children on the journey of their spirit. This journey of course, starts with me and the journey of my own spirit. 

My journey has not been graceful; in fact I would venture to say my ride has been messy, traumatic and glorious. Unfortunately I learn the hard way (and so do my children). If I could pass a few ounces of wisdom onto my children.. just a few… they would be:

          *Listen & trust your intuition little noodle, always follow your heart

          *Believe in yourself and that all things are possible

          *Celebrate your BE-ingness (you are special and so very loved)

          *Live in this moment, right now- it’s all you have

          *Life is on your side, so DREAM BIG! and then some

I believe that as a mother, I am to love and support my kiddos no matter what. Even through times of disappointment, fear and uncertainty. Furthermore, I want to live mindfully; at peace with what is, and in touch with myself and the flow of life. 

What I have found is that in order to do so; I must heal my own wounds, seek awareness and acceptance for what is, relinquish my incessant need to control the uncontrollable and allow myself to love and experience joy. 

This means I just refuse to save my kids from scraping their knees on the sidewalk, or harping on them to follow every stupid rule. Life will teach them that, I am certain. I want to show them how to live mindfully, and hopefully make a difference one day. 

Perfection is not an option. This means some moments are difficult, messy, and painful. This is my cue to go within and mother myself. My children are not the problem, and certainly not the source of my discomfort. My children have been my greatest gift,  and have revealed to me time and time again,  that which had not been healed within me. 

just one of the many cool items available at Spiritual Momma's Etsy boutique

So perhaps right now is an excellent time to ask yourself what motherhood means to you...

In closing, I will share one of my greatest comforts: I am free to change my mind or revise anything at any time. 

-Spiritual Momma

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