RealMama Week Day 6 RE VISIT: My Agenda from Purejoy Parenting

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you!

RealMama Week: Mothering Me RE- PUBLISH

 RealMama Week, Day 3

Enjoy this beautiful post by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting

Leslie Potter is the founder of Pure Joy Parenting, a joy based parenting model which supports parents in moving from a traditional fear-based model to a joy-based one, focusing on relationship and healthy attachment. She is a co-author of Chaos to Connection: 9 Heart Centered Essentials for Parenting your Teen. Leslie is a Parent Coach with a background as a body centered therapist. She created the Parent Coach model at Vive a national company working with at risk teens and their parents. In 2008, she founded Purejoy Parenting to educate and support new parents in understanding the importance of their attachment stories and how they affect their relationships with their children.

Mothering Me

Motherhood has stretched me beyond words.  How could I have known that one little soul could awaken such light, as well as illuminate such darkness.  When waiting for my daughter,  I imagined all the good aspects of being a mother.  I felt I was ready to surrender fully to the amazing opportunity I was being given.  Finally, after 44 years of waiting and preparing, I was going to be a mother.  It had taken me that long to embrace my childhood and feel I had done enough work that I wouldn't damage my child.

photo courtesy of Leslie Potter on Facebook

I was beyond excited for the opportunity to be the Mom I knew I had inside.  What I hadn't planned for was the depth of pain that would arise when I fell short.  Talk about humility!  This has been my path, and daily I bow down to my daughter for showing me the true path to loving myself.  When I am able to open to the depth of beauty and grace she provides, instead of needing her to behave the way I want her to so I look like a good mom, I can see clearly.

 I don't need her to validate me and have found I can relax and open to being a safe emotional container for her to learn and grow.  When I'm able to take full responsibility for my feelings and my stories, I am able to let her off the hook to be the beautiful light she embodies.

Learning to love myself starts with me and it is the greatest gift I offer my sweet girl.

Even though my love for her showed me the way, I learned that loving myself was up to me.  When I needed her to convince me that I was lovable, I felt the pain.  When I was finally able to step into the shoes of that amazing Mom I had inside...I began to mother ME as well as my daughter. 

How do you feel about the mom you ARE, versus the mom you thought you'd be?



* Find and 'like' Purejoy Parenting on Facebook 
* Check out her website & blog  for Leslie's Parenting Pearls and contact info 
* and be sure to follow her on Twitter 

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! <3

You can also check out Leslie's latest contribution to PBS here.

RealMama Week: My Agenda

RealMama Week, Day 6

I couldn't resist another opportunity to share another nugget of wisdom from Leslie Potter of Purejoy Parenting.  A huge thank to you Leslie for her work in improving the art of parenting! <3

My Agenda

 I've noticed, when having an agenda, my daughter, simply refuses to engage. Today, coming in from the grocery, I asked her to unload one of the bags. I'd taken her to lunch, bought her a sweet treat and driven her to a friend's house so I thought asking her to unload one little bag would be a piece of cake. Well, the truth is, I felt like she owed me this one small little favor since I'd given so much earlier. Ahhhh...the agenda reveals itself.

Now you might be thinking, hey Leslie, you are just teaching her how to help out at home....or maybe you are thinking she is going to get the wrong message if I don't require her to help out. And if you are, all of these thoughts ran through my head as she growled and claimed she wouldn't unload the bag. I took a deep breath and tried my big voice saying, "Meili, it is just one bag and I want you to unload it now." Growling she started emptying the bag, but slammed the goods on the table refusing to put them in the fridge.

I felt an intense heat rising in my body, as my trigger engaged.   Clearly my words were not producing the results I desired.  I knew, in my heart, what I was about to say was NOT what I wanted to say but before I could stop out spewed. "Alright then, I guess I won't be taking you to lunch or getting you a treat anymore." As those ugly words came tumbling out of my mouth, the dreaded blackmail move engaged.

As I looked at my precious daughter I knew that was NOT how I wanted to teach her to get support. Remembering, I'm the role model, I took a deep breath and said, "wow, what just came out of my mouth, isn't what I really wanted to say." What I wanted to say is, "I love you and I see you are in a big hurry to get out the door to your friends." And the moment I opened into a receptive place, including her agenda in the space, she looked at me and said, "I'm happy to help you, mom." Ah, can it really be this easy? Only when I remember to stay open, taking responsibility for my agendas, knowing she is not here to serve them.  It wasn't that she didn't want to help, it was that I was only thinking about my agenda and forgot to include her.

Practice: Become aware when you meet resistance in your child. When you do, ask yourself if your agenda is playing out, determined to defend and justify its position. See if you are willing to drop your agenda, open to receiving your child and then see what happens. Let me know what you find out!

Leslie Potter

Purejoy Parenting

www.purejoyparenting.com

* also find her on Facebook

* and follow her on Twitter

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! 

RealMama Week: Mothering Me

 RealMama Week, Day 3

Enjoy this beautiful post by Leslie Potter from Purejoy Parenting

Leslie Potter is the founder of Pure Joy Parenting, a joy based parenting model which supports parents in moving from a traditional fear-based model to a joy-based one, focusing on relationship and healthy attachment. She is a co-author of Chaos to Connection: 9 Heart Centered Essentials for Parenting your Teen. Leslie is a Parent Coach with a background as a body centered therapist. She created the Parent Coach model at Vive a national company working with at risk teens and their parents. In 2008, she founded Purejoy Parenting to educate and support new parents in understanding the importance of their attachment stories and how they affect their relationships with their children.

Mothering Me

Motherhood has stretched me beyond words.  How could I have known that one little soul could awaken such light, as well as illuminate such darkness.  When waiting for my daughter,  I imagined all the good aspects of being a mother.  I felt I was ready to surrender fully to the amazing opportunity I was being given.  Finally, after 44 years of waiting and preparing, I was going to be a mother.  It had taken me that long to embrace my childhood and feel I had done enough work that I wouldn't damage my child.

photo courtesy of Leslie Potter on Facebook

I was beyond excited for the opportunity to be the Mom I knew I had inside.  What I hadn't planned for was the depth of pain that would arise when I fell short.  Talk about humility!  This has been my path, and daily I bow down to my daughter for showing me the true path to loving myself.  When I am able to open to the depth of beauty and grace she provides, instead of needing her to behave the way I want her to so I look like a good mom, I can see clearly.

 I don't need her to validate me and have found I can relax and open to being a safe emotional container for her to learn and grow.  When I'm able to take full responsibility for my feelings and my stories, I am able to let her off the hook to be the beautiful light she embodies.

Learning to love myself starts with me and it is the greatest gift I offer my sweet girl.

Even though my love for her showed me the way, I learned that loving myself was up to me.  When I needed her to convince me that I was lovable, I felt the pain.  When I was finally able to step into the shoes of that amazing Mom I had inside...I began to mother ME as well as my daughter. 

How do you feel about the mom you ARE, versus the mom you thought you'd be?



* Find and 'like' Purejoy Parenting on Facebook 
* Check out her website & blog  for Leslie's Parenting Pearls and contact info 
* and be sure to follow her on Twitter 

Let her know NurturingtheNaturalMama sent you! <3

You can also check out Leslie's latest contribution to PBS here.