Welcome to EASTER at our house: a Spiritual Revelation :)

Spring is HERE, well it was for one day :) Luckily, that day was spent amidst friends and family at baby A's Christening and Easter brunch.

Originally, I had no interest in getting either of my children baptized/Christened... but at the pestering of both their fathers, eventually relented.  My little Spiderman was baptized at a Congregational Church, along with his cousin. The ceremony was great in that we picked all the readings and stayed away from the preachy- 'you are evil until I pour this water on your head' stuff.

And this time was no different. I procrastinated as long as possible (she is 9 months old now). Easter Sunday was approaching, and my husband (Roman Catholic) was wondering how I felt about having her ceremony the same day as family would already be in town. How could I refuse?

So a few weeks ago, I emailed the church I walk by almost everyday in our cute little downtown, in our cute little town which I have fallen madly in love with since we moved here about a year ago. The church front looks welcoming and traditional, and I also knew- it wasn't Catholic :)

Their website explains, "No matter who you are, or where you are on life’s journey, you are ALWAYS welcome here!"  So to me, that seemed perfect. I attended my first Sunday mass in almost 3 years on Palm Sunday, and low and behold.... I LOVED IT! 




The music, the community, the warmth, the love, and most of all, the hope.

Baby A's beautiful Christening/Easter dress, compliments of my MIL

baby A and hubby on our way to church

our church :)

It's official. I am one of "those" people. Those people that grew up with a severe aversion to formalized religion because of a science background that favored evolution, and because of that, refused to go to church. I figured they were all just as "preachy" as the ones I was forced to attend on Easter and Christmas in the early years of my childhood where I was told people that take the pill are Evil, and everyone is going to Hell, blah blah blah...

But after years of struggling, working, recent months of severe financial strain, and nurturing two children when sometimes I feel I have nothing left to give.... I have found something that helps me to replenish myself. That nurtures ME.


I might not believe in the Bible, per say (now, let's not start a religion riot here- this is all personal opinion) but I love love love the community feeling and the spirituality that comes with attending service.

Easter Sunday was no different- children singing, choir singing and dancing, brass instruments, conversation, and of course- salvation :) Aubrey's Christening was beautiful. There was no talk of her being evil.... nobody is going to Hell.... and her Godparents were there to take the Christening vows with us. The church was full of people in our own community who have vowed to help us raise her, an extension of our family, who all live far away.

It really does take a village to raise a child, and we now have our village. For that, I am very thankful :)

I am also thankful, of course, for our wonderful family. Our family that was able to share in our special day, and enjoy a delicious pot luck brunch (very cost effective way to do a gathering I might add), and we had beautiful weather to boot!

Here are some more photos of our amazing day:

How did you spend your Easter Sunday?

Attachment Parenting Series: Nurturing Touch

For those who have been following our attachment parenting series, let's discuss principle # 4 Nurturing Touch ;

Let me share with you one of the quotes in this book that has stuck with me since I first read it. It is in reference to a Doctor who toured a children's clinic in Germany before World War I.

"As he was shown about the wards, he noticed a large old woman who was carrying a very sick infant. When he inquired who the woman was, the attending physician said, "Oh that is Old Anna. When we have done everything we can medically for a baby, and it is still not doing well, we turn it over to Old Anna, she is always successful"... as she rocked and held these fragile babies. Dr Talbot introduced this kind of care when he returned to Boston, and his methods spread. In 1938, Bellevue Hospital in NY established the rule that every baby should be picked up and "mothered" on the pediatric wards; that year their death rate fell from 35% to less than 10%" (p127).

So clearly, simply holding a baby will not answer all of our infant problems in the world, but just take a look around at other mammals. They carry babies on their backs, or hold them close to their chest, and encouraging a reciprocating touch relationship. Infants in certain African tribes have been found in research to be with their mothers (directly, as in being held or worn) 70% of the time, versus infants in the US and England, which conversely are only with their mothers (as described above) 25% of the time, and in daycares a mere 14% of the time.

Kangaroo Care

I know I have mentioned kangaroo care before, but this is one of the prime examples of nurturing touch, especially when it comes to premature infants. Essentially it describes skin to skin contact between the mothers (caregivers) and the infants. Babies that experience kangaroo care have been shown to gain weight faster, sleep better, nurse better, and have more stable heart rates and temperatures.

Chiropractic & Infant Massage

As I mentioned in my post about my own experience with chiropractic and infant massage , the benefits of each can be overwhelming. Both can help with nursing/latch issues, allergies, relaxation, general improvement in immune system, and overall improvement in the parent-child bonding experience. Infant massage classes are also available now in most communities.



photo courtesy of New England Chiropractic Westbrook, Maine



Babywearing

We've already discussed the topic of babywearing in fairly significant detail in A Parent's Call to Arms, and I'm an Attached Parent, Are You?  The moral of the babywearing story is this, every other culture in the world (yes, the world) besides Americans and much of England, wear their babies; and none of those cultures experience what we describe as colic. Hmmmmm....



Since this theory of Nurturing Touch carries through past infancy to continue the bonding experience with your child, older children can still enjoy massages and even the benefits of chiropractic. Additionally, frequent hugs and snuggles are also recommended. :)

How do you practice nurturing touch in your home? Have you tried infant massage or chiropractic? What were your thoughts?

Finally, the continuation of our Attached at the Heart Series :)

Principle 3: Responding with Sensitivity, Learning the Language of Love

 

The ability to respond to one's child is the foundation for all other principles of the attachment parenting model.  Based on this theory, one would need to be able to respond/communicate/understand one's child in order to create a secure attachment. 

"Sensitive responsiveness implies the ability to set aside one's own needs for the needs of the baby; it presupposes a change in consciousness of the parents and the capacity to feel empathy- to see the world through the eyes of their child. Babies communicate their needs in many ways, including body movements, facial expressions, and crying. They often try to tell us that they needs our attention long before they being to cry, if we only understand their attempts. As you learn to understand and respond to your infant's cues through consistency, you will build a strong foundation of trust and empathy" (p94). 

Empathy is the capacity for, and ability to treat someone else's feelings as their own. When we have empathy for our children, it means understanding and responding to how they feel/act in consistent ways. 

By reacting consistently to their physical needs, as well as emotionally interacting, playing, talking, etc- we form connection(s) with our child(ren). Many times, we get so caught up in advice, theories, and the confusion or fog of sleep deprivation that we forget to just BE with our baby. 

photo by Cathy Jourdan art prints

Personally, I missed out on a lot of this my first time around. Granted, I was also unknowingly in the throws of postpartum depression among other things, but nonetheless I was so busy worrying what I was doing "right" and what I was doing "wrong", and listening to everyone and their advice on what I "should" be doing; that I really didn't spend enough time just staring at my baby and waiting for him to tell me what he needed. 

Don't get me wrong- I think I did a swell job in the end :) , and I guess we all learn the things we 'won't' do the 'next' time when we have our first, but I definitely could have spent more time wearing him and watching him and less time worrying about if I was going to do the "wrong" thing. 

Knowing the stages of physical and emotional development from birth- 12 months can be an important step in appropriately responding to, hence bonding with, your new baby. For example, knowing when particular behaviors are 'stages' versus problems can build confidence in a new mom happy to follow her child cues versus let them 'soothe themself' (which babies actually aren't neurologically or physiologically able to do anyways), or forcing them too early to overcome separation anxiety, etc. 

And this all includes OVERNIGHT, people! WHO ever decided that babies were supposed to sleep through the night??! If your baby is crying, for God sake, WHY would you let them sit alone, in the dark, and CRY?! I know I've reference this article several times now, but if you haven't already, check out Letter from a Sleep Training Baby if you think I'm wrong.

Fussy Baby? 

Follow these simple steps by Harvey Karp in Happiest Baby on the Block; 

1. Swaddle

2. Side  (side/stomach positioning when held in parent's arms)

3. Shushing (mimics loud noise in the womb)

4. Swinging (same motion can be obtained by babywearing versus a mechanical swing)

5. Sucking (this includes nursing/nursing on demand/ bottle nursing/ pacifiers)

Toddlers & Beyond

Your babies, regardless of their age, will always need your responsiveness to their needs, both physically and emotionally. Remaining empathetic and compassionate will help you maintain that strong attachment you have worked toward. 

Showing interest in your toddler's activities, participating in child-centered play, reading, and singing are just some of the ways you can connect with and nurture your toddler. And let's be honest, your toddler (if s/he is anything like mine) is a walking billboard at this point for Independence! So feel free to follow their lead, they like that better anyway :) 

But what about the dreaded Temper Tantrum??

-Remain calm. 

-Time things right (make sure they get their consistent schedule whenever possible. For example, you're not trying to browse the mall during their naptime, etc.)

-reiterate to them their need (empathy. Let's say they are crying over a toy they want in the store... you would say "<toddlers name> really wants that toy, and s/he is very angry. I understand that your angry" and move on)

* there will obviously be variations of this based on the age of the toddler, but for more info, check out Harvey Karp's other book, Happiest Toddler on the Block .  PS. NO LIE, the feeling validation and moving on thing really does work! :) 

Last thing is this, children learn from us. The old adage of BE what you want your children to be. They learn empathy and compassion, and emotional expression from US, so always use positive parenting, and nonviolent communication. And this applies to everyone in the home, not just mom (or whomever is the primary caregiver)- keep dad (or spouse/partner) and siblings involved too. Keeping the family unit connected and emotionally attached is EXTREMELY important, especially during those trying times of baby's first year! 

How did you and/or your family hold it together during baby's first year? What do you like/dislike so far about the Attachment Parenting model?

Feed with Love & Respect: Beginning the Attachment Process

Principle 2 of Attachment Parenting : Feeding with Love & Respect

"Whether a parent is breastfeeding or bottle feeding, the purpose of this chapter is to help you understand how feeding your child enhances your future attachment relationship" (p68).

Feeding your child is more than just providing nourishment, it goes back to the old adage "food is love". Whether we are satiating our crying infants, or providing a meal at the family dinner table- it should be a time of love and connection.

Breastfeeding

(one of my fave pics, from the post Breastfeeding, My Daughters, and Body Image by The Leaky B@@b)

The reason breastfeeding is used as the initial attachment model, is because by sheer design, it provides the necessity of mom and baby to be close and touching. Touching creates bonding. Make sense?
Baby feels the warmth of your body, the softness of your skin, and can hear your heartbeat, similar to his/her experience in the womb. Since there are no ounces to measure, mom follows baby's cues on when s/he is hungry and when s/he is full.  (My own tip * NEVER wake a sleeping baby to eat. I find this utterly ridiculous! Barring any obvious medical condition, a "normal" baby will wake when they are hungry. Believe me.)

There are obviously nutritional and physiological benefits to both you and your baby when you breastfeed, as well as the facts that nursing is FREE, and always ready (versus needing to make a bottle) which are some added perks :)

Adopting?
You can breastfeed as long as at some point previously, you have passed a placenta. Use the Supplemental Nursing System to get started. 

Bottle Nursing

Yes, I said bottle-nursing. The theory? Create the same bonding experience as with breastfeeding, but with a bottle! In other words, hold the baby close to you, maintain eye contact, and read the baby's cues for when s/he is done eating, etc. Again, barring some kind of medical condition, there is no magic number of ounces your baby must eat at each feeding. S/he will let you know when they are hungry, and it will be quite clear (either by protest or by puking) that they are done :)

*My own tip: feeding schedules don't work. Baby will tell you when they need to eat and when they're done. Showing them you care about and understand their cues, lay the foundation for a strong attachment relationship later on.

*Check out my bottle recommendations at my NurtureMe Store

Dads

"A father's relationship with the baby is unique and extremely important to the child's overall development. It is important that fathers...know that they can still develop a close relationship with their baby in many ways other than feeding- such as holding or burping the baby...bathing the baby, changing a diaper, practicing infant massage, taking walks or naps together, and playfully interacting with the baby. Also, when a father nurtures the mother, he nurtures the baby" (p78).

Moms

"Feeding time is the ideal time to take a break, rest, and refuel...Just as a baby flourishes when fed by his mother, the new mother flourishes when nurtured by her partner...Mothers need frequent rest, plentiful fluids, and adequate nutrition" (p78).

The Family Table

 (Sirois family Thanksgiving 2010)

Mealtime is a time to connect, nourish, and yes, nurture :) but not just for infants cradled in our arms. The family table is a great way to connect, communicate, nourish, and nurture EVERY member of the family! Sharing wholesome, healthy meals in a calm and relatively quiet (that's right people- turn off your TV's and computers and cell phones!) environment provides for a daily strengthening of your attachment relationship.

We are just teaching our toddler how to communicate at the dinner table. We make sure to sit down to eat together every night, and now even baby A has her place at the table in her highchair, and now we are barely sitting down before our toddler starts with "so mama, how was your day? what did you do today?", etc. And we go around the table and everyone asks/answers the same questions :)

Please share how you get your family to participate in dinner discussion? Do you sit together for meals nightly/weekly/never?

Nurturing the Nurturer

Just thought this was SO fitting for this blog :) Thank you to The Leaky B@@b for writing it! :)

Check out 22 Ways to Nurture the Nurturer

Fill me in on your favorite Leaky B@@b post!