My Experience with Postpartum Depression, and My Plea to You

I figured since I haven't done a particularly informative post in a while, it was time to do one. I have several friends having babies and that are currently pregnant, so I thought now might be a poignant time to share about topic that has historically been swept under the rug. Postpartum depression.

from Google

Not all women who suffer from PPD are having suicidal thoughts, or feeling as though they want to hurt their babies. It is my opinion that this is how the description comes across from medical professionals and anyone with lesser symptoms can have the unfortunate result of being brushed off as merely sleep deprived, or adjusting to a newborn.

Women caring for their first born are particularly vulnerable as they have nothing to compare their feelings to. Life with a newborn IS hard. Trying to adjust to finding your own new definition and role as a mother, adjusting your relationship with your partner or spouse, and finding time for daily necessities like taking the dog out, doing groceries, or even showering all become a delicate balance.

me with baby Spiderman on his 1st day home after 7 days in the NICU

My own experience with PPD was a sneaky one. I, like many others, chalked my feelings up to sleep deprivation and a failing relationship with my then-boyfriend. Spiderman had some initial complications,
and so it was my assumption that those, in conjunction with regular adjustment, and financial struggles had led to my feelings of complete (as in true, pure) exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.

Almost a year after Spiderman's birth, I finally sought help and was officially diagnosed with PPD by a therapist. That began a probably additional six month recovery period, during which time I experienced the ultimate demise of my relationship with Spidermans' dad, and then began my journey as a single mom.

Move ahead several years to the pregnancy and birth of Baby A: Now knowing what postpartum recovery was like, I began preparations for PPD about 7 months into my pregnancy. My OB/GYN started me on some medication so that it would have time to "get into my system" by the time Baby A was born.

I also prepped by taking appropriate time off from work, which I had not done with Spiderman. I made arrangements for help at home, stocked the freezer with frozen Amy's meals and the pantry with easy to grab bottled water and Odwalla bars. This time, I also had the blessing of the all time greatest PPD preventative: a supportive husband <3

baby A's birthday!

We made a plan for care and support at home, we lined up my therapist and lactation consultant, and made additional post natal appointments with my OB/GYN and the visiting nurse.

Despite the preparation, I still suffered from PPD. The feelings of being completely (I'm talking utterly, totally, completely) overwhelmed were rampant, I felt as though I couldn't take care of myself, what little energy I had was focused at my colicky infant (so much for preparation!) and my now 3 year old!

Add to the colic and PPD recovery from a C section, an ongoing custody dispute, and a near failure to thrive diagnosis... and I was a mess! [One of these days, I'll post Baby A's full birth story] However, my preparedness did not go to waste. In fact, it was what saved me! I had the full support of my fabulous hubby, family, and friends. I did my best to remain hydrated and the frozen meals and protein bars were my savior! (along with coffee... lots and lots of coffee) :)



I did my best to NOT try and be supermom. For weeks I did nothing but stay inside and do nothing but snuggle, nurse, soothe and repeat. We spent time just myself, her and Spiderman watching movies, reading stories, and sitting on our front lawn with new library books chillin by the sandbox and the kiddie pool. I had family take Spiderman off to the park or the beach while we attended our multitude of appointments to the lactation department, pediatrician, OB/GYN, chiropractor, and local WIC office.

Baby A and Spiderman, still at the hospital 

jaundiced baby A and her auntie Amber, out with mommy on a trip to Target to get some nursing essentials ;)

baby A and tired hubby <3

One of my all time favorite posts about postpartum recovery is THIS one from The Leaky Boob.


Several months after Baby A's birth we had our miscarriage. As with any miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss; we suffered emotionally. I felt like I had done something wrong, like it was my fault. Thankfully, I was still on a low dose of anti depressants and still seeing my therapist, and I had begun attending church shortly before that, and found solace there and ironically online; particularly via Unspoken Grief.

In October of 2011, just 3 months after Baby A turned 1 year old, we found out we were pregnant with Baby B <3 She was a bit of a surprise ;) so I was still on a higher dose of medication from the miscarriage. Consulting with my OB/GYN, PCP, and therapist it was decided I should remain on the medication and just wean down to the lowest effective dose during the pregnancy.

We prepped a bit differently for the birth of Baby B, as she was to be a VBA2C, but nonetheless we prepped for her birth... and the ensuing PPD.

Baby B is now 7 months old, and I have to say this postpartum period has been my "happiest". I would venture to even say I'm not sure I even "have" PPD this time. My anxiety has been heightened for sure, now a complete SAHM of 4 kids; I now suffer from insomnia and am inevitably irritable. Besides that however, I would say I have "adjusted" far better this time around.  Despite her immune deficiency and low weight, baby B is a happy girl, which makes ME a happy mama!

Baby B

Call it experience.
Call it divine intervention.
Call it what you will, but here is my plea to you...

My plea to all "new" moms... that means YOU.. that means YOU with the brand new 1st born, that means YOU that has only angel babies, that means YOU that just gave birth to baby # 5....

* take care of yourself, you just had a baby
     this means eat food, drink water, sleep/nap, and SIT DOWN. 
* sleep in the knowledge and peace that your baby is with God, or nap when your baby naps
     laundry can wait 
     dishes can wait 
     do NOT plan to COOK meals. buy some nice, less preservative ridden frozen varieties or have friends and family bring you food ;) 
    make things easy to grab so you can eat or hydrate while you nurse or bottle nurse 
 * baby wear. NO LIE, it makes all the difference for BOTH mom and baby. You are hands free and still snuggling, and baby is SO. much. calmer. 
* shower, you will feel amazing ;) 

* FIND SUPPORT. 
     the old addage: "It takes a village to raise a child" is TRUE. If you don't have a supportive or present spouse/partner and your family is too far away and your friends are too busy... find a mom's group- every hospital has one. Find a church if you don't already have one- you'll be glad you did. Try a few if you're not sure what you're looking for. 

    many communities also offer free or drop in mommy-and-me yoga classes, which can be a great networking opportunity that will also improve your health! <3 

     you can find support online as well, and many give you links or contacts to local support groups. Some of my favorites are; 

The Leaky Boob 

Attachment Parenting International  

Purejoy Parenting 

Thriving Family  

Gentle Parenting Resources 

MOPS International  

* take as much time as you can to SIT, NURSE, ENJOY. It goes by too fast. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it does. I assure you. 

______________

What has your experience in birthing and postpartum recovery been?? What resources have you found that have helped you the most and might help other moms? 

_____________

IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM PPD, OR THINK YOU'RE SUFFERING FROM PPD, AND FEEL SUICIDAL OR FEEL AS THOUGH YOU CAN NO LONGER TAKE CARE OF, OR MIGHT HARM YOUR CHILD(REN), PLEASE 

CALL 911

or 

SEE JENNY'S LIGHT FOR IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE.  

Day 12 #12DaysofChristmas #SeasonofGiving: Pandora's Project

Pandora's Project

Compliments of Jennifer Blair

 

 

Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I’m going to start my post with some tough statistics.

 

One out of six.  This is the number of women in the United States who has been the victim of rape or attempted rape.  (17.7 million women)*

One out of 33.  This is the number of men in the United States who has been the victim of rape or attempted rape. (2.78 million men)

 

207,754. This is the number of sexual assaults that occur in the United States each year.

Two minutes.  A sexual assault occurs every two minutes in the United States.

54% of rape victims don’t report their assault, meaning some of the other statistics presented might not be completely accurate.  The numbers are likely higher. 

73% of rape victims know their attacker.

Being raped by a stranger is much less likely, though not completely rare. When rape is discussed the image that often comes to mind is someone jumping out of the bushes in the dark, or a woman being dragged into an alley.  These attacks can happen, but it’s even more likely for someone to be taken advantage of by a date or an acquaintance or a neighbor.  The assailant may be a relative or even a spouse. 

Now here’s a better number:

60%.  This is the amount by which sexual assault in the United States has decreased since 1991

A really important way to reduce sexual assault is to educate people about it.

In 2001, then 22-year-old rape survivor Shannon Lambert started hosting a message board with her Tori Amos-inspired blog that served to assure rape survivors that they were not alone (Lambert’s blog no longer exists, but many still do.  You can find a link to the blogs below).    

She started a publicly hosted message board when she and her blog were featured on the program 20/20 in 1999.  She got many emails and had people reaching out to her often, so the message board was created to give people a way to connect to each other as she recognized the need for community, and knew her site would get a lot more traffic upon being featured on television.

In 2001, the message board had approximately 250 members, a number that has grown considerably over the years.  In 2002, a moderated chat room was made available, giving an opportunity for survivors to speak to each other in real time.  More and more sections were added to the message board to meet the needs of the members: there’s a section for just male survivors, as well as one for just female survivors.  There’s a section for secondary survivors, who are people in our lives who support us and who are also affected by the aftermath of rape.  There’s a place for survivors to tell their stories, and then there are places to share recipes and pictures of our pets.   

With over 35,000 members today, Pandora’s Aquarium (or “Pandy’s” as we often call it) is still the name of the message board, but it is only a part of the whole site, now named Pandora’s Project.

Pandora’s Project is a 501(c)(3) charitable organization, and is the largest online support group for survivors of sexual assault on the internet.  In addition to housing a message board, there is a lending library, national and international crisis hotlines, a newsletter, access to a whole network of blogs, and more.   We have guest speakers chats presented  to the community via the chat room, speakers such as well known sex therapist and author of The Sexual Healing Journey: AGuide for Survivors of Sexual Abuse,  Wendy Maltz, and Jaime P, the founder and director of An Infinite Mind, a resource that educates people about Dissociative Identity Disorder.  (Transcripts for all the chats may be found under the drop-down “library” menu .)   

Pandora’s Project has hosted a healing retreat, and plans to host more in the future.

Pandy’s creates a safe environment for any survivor, male or female, over the age of 16, as well as for secondary survivors.  It takes a lot of people to keep such a large community running safely.  In addition to the board administrators, there are moderators of the message board, as well as section moderators, who help forums related to specific aspects of healing. Keep in mind, everyone can see the site at Pandys.org, but only  registered members can see the whole message board.  There are some public forums accessible by guests who want to see what the message board is about, but if you want to participate in the community, you must register to see the complete board.  Registrations  are approved by the board moderators, and are always looked at to keep the board as safe as possible. Some forums aren’t visible to the entire population to maintain  privacy of specific groups.  For example, male members don’t have access to the specifically female  forum, and vice versa.  A safe, caring, supportive environment is what everybody wants  and what the staff strives to maintain.

Keeping up with such a large community costs money, though.  The board software, the chat software, postage for the Lending Library, payment for guest speakers, materials for retreats…these are just a few expenses off the top of my head.  Although Lambert was nominated for and won the L’Oreal Women of Worth Award and a grant along with it, almost all funding comes from donations.   There are a number of ways to donate!

·         Visit their DONATION page. This gives you the option to use a credit card, PayPal, or snail mail.  Since  Pandora’s Project is a 501(c)(3) organization, donations you make will be tax-deductable.

·         OR you can use their Amazon  link and Pandy’s will get a portion of the money you spend while shopping at Amazon.  Nothing extra is required by you, and you don’t have to pay any extra.  

·         By using the search engine, Goodsearch  , Pandy’s will get a cent for every search made. (You will have to search for and select “Pandora’s Aquarium")

·         Also, once you have selected “Pandora’s Aquarium ,  check out “GoodShop” from the top menu and then select one of 500 online retailers (including Zappos, Best Buy, Apple, Barnes and Noble, Target, and many more!). Pandy's receives a commission up to 30% whenever you follow GoodShop links to your favorite retailers.  For example, Best Buy will then donate 0.5-3% of your total amount spent to Pandora’s Project.  (I always use it when I wish to buy something from Best Buy…no matter how big or small.  Then, instead of having the item shipped, I select the in-store pickup.  I recommend this method!)  “GoodDining” works the same way once you register.  Up to 6% of what you spend at a participating restaurant will be donated.

 In-kind donations are appreciated, and help  monetary donations be directed straight to programming, rather than to overhead. We especially appreciate the following types of in-kind donations if you need some ideas:

·         U.S. postage stamps in any denomination (used for general purposes and to ship books for the lending library)

·         Target and Wal-Mart gift cards (for office supplies and retreat supplies)

·         Best Buy gift cards (for technology needs, such as software)

·         Amazon.com e-certificates (for lending library materials and software)

·         Office Max and Office Depot gift cards (for envelopes, printing paper, and general office supplies)

·         Books & DVDs in good condition for the lending library (see this page for our wishlist)

As with monetary donations, the value of in-kind donations is tax deductible as allowed under law. If you'd like to make an in-kind donation, here is our address:

Pandora's Project           
3109 W. 50th St.

Suite #320
Minneapolis, MN 55410-2102

Questions??? Contact us by EMAIL

Follow Pandora’s Project on Twitter and like us on Facebook!  

*Statistics courtesy of RAINN

Prepare yourself for Pregnancy, Birth & Parenting.

Principle #1 of Attachment Parenting - What Every Parent Needs to Know

As promised, I will be delving into each principle of attachment parenting for the next eight weeks. First up, preparing for pregnancy and birth. So you first pee on that stick, two lines or a plus sign come up and then what?!

Let's assume you have the fantasy situation of just telling your hubby and your both elated! You immediately run to the store and pick up your very own copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting and read up on all the exciting (and not so exciting) things that await you during your pregnancy. Oh, was that just me? :)

First, prepare your body (p35).

Eating whole, nutritious, and nourishing foods... consuming plenty of water... and exercising are the best way to ensure your body is ready for this 9 month marathon it is about to endure. 

Then, prepare your mind (p36).

With pregnancy comes a lot of hormones, and you want to make sure you have a positive frame of mind. If there is a partner/spouse involved, make sure to strengthen your connection by nurturing and nourishing that relationship just as you are your new body! Regardless of partner involvement, take this time to also strengthen connections with your support group/your lifeline/your "village"- this can be family members, friends, neighbors, community members, God... any and all of the above! It DOES take a village to raise a child. Spending time doing activities like yoga, meditation, or prayer are also great ways to nourish your mind and your body!

Preparing for Birth (p38)

Since I was a planned C section (due to a pre existing medical condition), I didn't give much thought the first time around to my "birth plan". I'm having a C section, no birth plan required, right? WRONG.

In lieu of exhausting you with all the things that went horribly wrong with my first birth experience, I will just tell you FROM EXPERIENCE that it is worth creating a birth plan, regardless of how you actually plan to give birth! C section, natural, at home, in hospital, with meds, without meds, VBAC... doesn't matter. Take the time to think about what you want your baby's first experience to be like. 

Consider your baby's current environment; warm, nurturing, quiet, and tranquil. Use this frame of reference when looking at hospitals or other birthing centers. Are they welcoming? Are they quiet and warm? Do the caregivers/nurses seems nurturing? (if you're anything like me, you'll also make sure they have a full NICU) Or you may also opt for a home birth.

Look into doulas, lactation consultants, midwives ... research hospital options for tub-birthing, versus use of stirrups, and rooming-in versus use of a nursery... and consider do you want to breastfeed or bottle feed? If you decide to breastfeed, how soon does your hospital allow the baby to go to breast? Ask if your hospital is a CIMS Mothering Friendly Hospital .

(@ hosp ready to deliver baby A )

It all seems a bit overwhelming, but it will make for a much calmer birthing experience if you go in educated and with an idea on how you would like things to go for you and your baby. Doesn't mean it will always go according to plan :) , but by ensuring your body and mind are up to par, and you have educated yourself on the various options, you will feel better equipped to handle whatever may come your way.

(she's here!)

Breastfeed or Bottle Feed? (p42)

I will preface this section by saying that this is not a place for guilt, debate, or shame. It is up to YOU what YOU do with YOUR baby.

If you decide to bottle feed- stock up as early as you can, formula is expensive! Look for coupons, and start your stash early! :) You CAN be an attached parent and bottle feed! We'll talk more about this next week, (principle #2- feeding with love and respect), but API simply recommends bottle nursing

In other words, HOLD your baby and rock them, maintain eye contact, hum or chat, etc while feeding versus bottle propping to create a strong bond- similar to what would happen if you were nursing your baby. Again, we will revisit this topic in more detail next week.

If you decide to breastfeed- check out UNICEF's 10 steps for successful breastfeeding. Make sure you have lined up a visit from a certified lactation consultant or doula within the first 24 hours after birth whether you are giving birth in a hospital or at home. It is not always easy- but it is SO worth it!

Support Groups

Even before you give birth, it's a great idea to locate support groups in your area. And you don't have to be a first time parent to need a support group;

" In today's world of extended families that live too far away to give the day to day support, knowledge, and care that existed in past generations, it is critically important for parents to create this support system for their family. API support groups are one way for new mothers and fathers to create friendships and community" (p59).

Virtual support groups like The Leaky Boob, Mama Eve, and Mothering are also available! Support can help us deal with things from vaccination decisions, to postpartum depression!

SHARE with me how you prepared for your pregnancy?