Monday Surf.... yea yea- I'm a day late :)

Some amazing posts I came across this last week or so! Enjoy, and feel free to share yours below!

The Benefits of Co Sleeping by Breastfeeding.com

I love that this article fully addresses all the aspects and myths regarding co sleeping. So many, especially new moms, are so worried about developing bad habits, raising needy children, suffocating the baby, and/or increased sleep deprivation.

And clearly, co sleeping is not for everyone, but there are plenty of ways to safely co sleep. And co sleeping, in my experience, significantly DECREASES parental sleep deprivation. It is far easier to nurse overnight and keep the baby calm in your arms versus getting up and going into the other room, etc.

Additionally, I always felt safer having my babies next to me (I co sleep using a bassinet/Arms Reach co sleeper) versus in a different room. Then I was able to keep an eye on them better- hear all the little noises and feel their breathing pattern without having to listen to a static-y monitor. (I do have a severe aversion to baby monitors- I think they're useless, but that's a whole different story!)

If you've ever read my blog before, you are aware at how much I disagree with the Cry It Out (CIO) method. This is also addressed in this article.

Crying It Out Causes Brain Damage by Peaceful Parenting

As mentioned above, and multiple times prior, I feel very strongly against the CIO method. This re print from Peaceful Parenting just solidifies my feelings. Crying it out causes extreme distress. Extreme distress causes the body to produce increased levels of cortisol, which is harmful to the baby. Additionally, extreme distress inhibits proper growth of certain areas of the brain.

And lastly, you can read some my previous posts on attachment theory, and you'll see that those early responses to your baby's cries- whether you co sleep or not- are what causes your baby to attach to you- physically and mentally. Children who are unattached, or have what used to be termed 'attachment adjustment disorder' not only have trouble forming healthy adult relationships, but can also develop other mental illness and/or social disorders.


A Poem for the Children this Earth Never Had by Peaceful Parenting
Another great post by Peaceful Parenting this week especially in light of October 15th- Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I cried for joy when I saw the pink lines

We’d waited and waited for such a long time.

People gave gifts to show their delight,

I could barely get any sleep at night.

I was so excited to experience this life

I felt like I finally had something right.

The family I’d dreamed of for so many years

Was worth the wait, and was finally here.

Then in an instant, the joy was gone

I went to the doctor because something was wrong.

He said not to worry, it would all be ok

But he was wrong, and my baby left me that day.

My heart aches for the child I never knew

He was once in my womb, then with angels he flew.

I’m sure he’s in heaven having a ball

With Jesus, the greatest Daddy of all.

I can’t wait for the day that I see my child

He’ll run to me quick with his arms open wide.

I love him as much as I love my new son

But he’ll forever be my very first one.

He holds a very special place in my heart

He made me a Mommy, though his time was cut short.

My dream has come true and my family is great

I have three kids in heaven, my arrival they await.

Someday we’ll be together and they’ll sit on my lap

And I’ll mother the children that this Earth never had.

~ Tricia Pyatt

And then just a quick shout out to another great website I just discovered- if you're anything like me, and have experience post partum depression, you should check out  www.postpartumprogress.com.


Post your faves from this week below! Enjoy!

Attached at the Heart- A Parent's Call to Arms

Humans are born with only 25% of the brain development they will grow to have in adulthood, unlike other mammals who would clearly succoumb to natural selection if they weren't fully developed at birth! Even chimpanzees, our closest genetic relative, are born with 75% of their ultimate brain function.

Some call it the 4th trimester of pregnancy, other's call it post pardum. So while it's based on science, it's also common sense. Think about it! One day you're nice and cozy warm, listening to moms heartbeat, being swished around all day and lulled to sleep...then the next, your placed in a dark, quiet room all alone, and expected to sleep soundly! It doesn't make any sense!

"...their brains are adapting to their experiences (hardwiring), internalizing what their parents have modeled for them, making it more difficult to change as they grow older" (p17). We all know and understand, I would hope, that we influence our children as they grow. But it was not quite so clear to me the first time around THEIR experience and transition- I was too consumed with day to day survival :) Wearing your baby in a sling or wrap or carrier- provides them with the warmth, and similar sounds (heartbeat), and feelings (swishing with your movements) that they're used to in utero. Babies are calmer and more relaxed, and as I mentioned in I am an Attached Parent, are you? , you also end up with two free hands! As babies get older, like baby A who is now 6 months, they also learn more. I can talk with her as I'm doing dishes or laundry and she is at face level. She sees everything almost as I see it and I can talk to her about what I'm doing. Does she care? No, half the time I look at her in the mirror after and she is sound asleep! But her brain is absorbing something! And it HAS to be more interesting than being placed in her crib or on the floor during the stretches of time during the day where I am required to function as a housewife. 

As you can see, as your baby grows, there are a variety of ways to wear your baby. These are all using the Moby wrap  , but there are a variety of options available. Not sure which one to use? Sites like PAX Baby allow you to RENT different types of carriers for CHEAP money so you can figure out which one works best for you and your baby. You can also check within your own community for sling exchanges and how-to classes through your local hospital or community center.  Parent support groups are also a great way to discuss/ learn about/ and experience babywearing!

Another facet of this whole 4th trimester is sleeping. From the womb to a lonely crib? Eek! Bassinets and co sleepers are not just for ease of night time feedings- they are, to me, essential to getting a better night sleep! Now, per my usual behavior, I let my babies tell me when they were ready to cease our co sleeping arrangement. My son outgrew his bassinet at about 4 months, and happily transitioned to his crib at that time. My daughter, about the same time, but she insisted on being swaddled :) Myself, that was a good time for both babies too- because I cherish those few moments when you first go to bed with your husband/spouse/partner. Especially in those early months and years :) They are vital for nourishing your own relationship!

Other families co sleep for far longer, which can be a tremendous bonding experience for the whole family. Since I can't speak from experience, I won't discuss that here. But to learn more, you can check out more family bed information via Google, Attachment Parenting International (API), or Mothering magazine.

 This book, which describes all 8 Principles of Attachment Parenting in detail, and which we will delve into in the weeks to come, explicity states that it is not a manual on how to parent. It is, however, a guide on allowing parents to go with their gut. Using your instincts, and listening to what your children are telling you will not spoil them. It will teach them they can rely on you, and it will teach them how to form relationships with others. Be the result you want to see in your kids.

"Our children are living examples of what it means to fully embrace life with joy, passion, enthusiasm by living in the moment and filling wonder in everything. The love, empathy, and affection our children learn from us and others in their lives will carry on into their adult relationships and with their children. Our children can be our greatest teachers in life if we allow it - they will challenge us in ways we never believed possible, and as a result, we will become better human beings and parents" (p296).

Want to read this book but not spend money? Check your local library! If they don't have it, ask about an inter library loan.


What are some attachment parenting ideals you can relate to and why? or why not?